I think there is something missing in my brain

[PlayOnWurtz]

I have diagnosed recurrent depressive disorder, OCD and anxiety. However all my life I've struggled to form connections with people. I don't miss people when I'm not with them, I don't form any what i would call bonds. I have no urge to contact people and feel awkward when doing so. But if no one contacts me I feel pain proper pain of rejection and utter loneliness. I don't know how to describe how I feel other than Im wired wrong.

Other things that may be relevant I've never had "dreams" or ideas of what I want from life I've never had any ambitions and never been able to forward plan. I get bored really easily and struggle to follow any form of conversation. I crave attention then when I've got it I don't want it.

It's really hard to explain it other than I don't feel like I should or how someone should feel. Like I'm sat here but the essence of me is sat somewhere else and the two haven't quite met up yet.

What the hell do I do?

Hi Play

I'm not sure I can relate to your exact circumstance or even give any advice, except to say that your last paragraph rang so true to me that I have delurked to say: I feel you.

I sometimes feel that everyone else has a manual that tells them how to be and I somehow didn't receive it. But then, at the same time, I know exactly what to do. I just don't.

As you said, there is one of me here and there's the other one somewhere but they haven't yet made contact.

I wish I had some concrete advice for you, but please know you are not at all alone!

Might be worth reading up on ASD in women, OP. X

Yes I was thinking asd cailleach.

I can relate to this and similarly to Harriet too.

Did an online ASD questionnaire (there are lots) which confirms my thoughts. Took a print out to GP who is referring me.

DS was diagnosed 8 years ago, but adult females can/do present quite differently.

Hope that helps.