I’ve name changed for this. DH had a health scare earlier in the year. He, thankfully, got the all clear, it turned out to be something very trivial, but obviously we had to be sure. But the 10 days we spent waiting for the tests was truly awful. Once he got the all clear, I was delirious with relief for a few weeks, but I’ve since started slipping back.
I’ve got into this awful negative cycle of thinking that whilst he’s fine now, what if our luck changes? What if something goes wrong next year, or the year after? What if he ends up dying years and years before I do?
I know this is really irrational. It doesn’t help that he’s 8 years older than me, so statistically he’s likely to die before I do (however looking at my family history, none of us have lived beyond 65, so it could easily be me that goes first).
I can’t enjoy the present day because I’m too busy worry about things beyond my control that may, or may not, happen in the future. And I’m constantly checking that he’s OK, I’m driving him mad. If he had a slight headache, I’m panicking it’s a brain tumour. If he coughs, its lung cancer. This isn’t doing either of us any good, and I know I need to get some help.
I’m assuming counselling/CBT will help, or should I consider asking my GP for anti-depressants? Although I’m not actually depressed, but the persistent anxiety makes me feel really low.