I feel like I'm just finally done with everything. I've reached out to the complex care team I'm under (to be fobbed off with we'll email your care coordinator for when she's back in) and I've tried the crisis team who happily just told me to complain to the team I'm under for feeling unsupported and that I should take my meds I'm prescribed and I'll be fine. I've literally just spent the past half an hour crying my heart out for the woman to be do as I say and goodbye.
I understand mental health resources are stretched and I always try to be understanding. But the reasons above are exactly why I hardly ever reach out to the crisis team and I somehow muddle through. Every time I've needed their help they just fob me off. During one of my bad episodes they discharged me from their team.
Do I literally have to be at the point of attempting suicide for them to listen?!
My thoughts are all over the place, I'm not thinking straight and I'm having suicidal thoughts. My only protective factor is my child and the fact I've seen how suicide affects people is what puts me off.
My diagnosis is bipolar mixed episodes. I'm just not coping at all. I feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm off my meds and have been for nearly four weeks. I've been going downhill for probably over two months now. And noone seems to notice or care. Even when I do speak out.
I guess I just needed to put this somewhere. I'm feeling very lonely and let down. I just don't know if I can be bothered fighting anymore.