When is the right time to get professional help for depressed dd, 11?

[Ketzele]

dd has always been prone to being sad and anxious, and for the last couple of years I have been fairly constantly worried about her. She cries very frequently (I think she cried pretty much all day today), has intrusive thoughts about being attacked, is lethargic, wakes early in the morning, is anxious and moody. I think she has a developing eating disorder. Over the last couple of days she has been talking about suicide.

I have mentioned this to the GP (focusing mainly on the disordered eating) and she just shrugged and said, ""Well, what do you want me to do? There's nothing available until she gets much worse". I don't really want to take dd and have her face that kind of response, but I don't feel I can leave it like this, either.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Gosh that sounds pretty heartless of the GP, especially for an 11 year old. I would definitely get a second opinion, perhaps would your DD be able to write anything down that you could show when you go???

If she's talking about taking her own life you need to seek urgent medical help. Bypassing GP completely. How much "worse" can it get?

I don't think she is actually suicidal, but I'm not really wanting to take the risk that I may have that wrong.

Your GP is wrong. I'm a CAMHS practitioner and I feel your DD needs help. Go and speak to another GP and tell them she has been mentioning suicidal feelings.

If you are urgently concerned and feel you can't keep her safe, take her to A&E

Thank you, all of you. I was pretty fed up with the GP. I know a growing eating disorder when I see one. I was exactly the same at her age - and anorexic by 12. SealSong thank you for the confirmation that I should take action. I'll get onto it.

It must be so stressful for you too. Hoping that second time round you'll find much more support for both of you

I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially on top of everything else. FWIW, I was a sad and anxious child (a lot of the time, not all, of course!) and I desperately wish my parents had sought help. I carried it into adulthood where it's taken me a lot of time and money (and more sad times) to sort myself out.

Best of luck.

what SealSong said. I had to take our dd to A&E due to suicidal thoughts, and had an emergency assessment (which was the next morning so take a bag in case you have to stay overnight). It was a massive relief for our dd to talk to someone about what was going on in her head. (When you get on the waiting list for Camhs help after that make sure you mention the suicidal thoughts, as the waiting list is very long and even though all of this was on our notes they didn't seem to be aware of it). We went through all of this in January :( but things are much better than they were. Good that she's talking to you and telling you how she feels. I had to keep a good "poker face" so that I didn't look shocked at whatever she was telling me. I hope you get help and support soon.

Oh yes, seek help, hard. Thank god you've spotted it and you're listening to her.

My dh is only just tackling his lifelong depression and it is hard-going stuff. He remembers planning suicide earlier than your daughter, remembers it from being 3 years old, looks so melancholy in photos. I don't know why people think children can't be depressed. He stuck it out for decades but recently had a total breakdown.

I wish they'd sought help for and with him when he was young, it could have changed his life.

I would see a different GP. At the very least, a GP should be looking at whether there could be any physical issues contributing to how she feels e.g. low iron, thyroid function etc.

My DD took an overdose age 14, and had been showing signs of depression before that. I had taken her to a GP and said I thought she was depressed, but .....

Thank God she survived. In the end I took her to a private therapist who worked with children aged 11 and over. She wouldn't be alive today if I hadn't. Very best of luck.

Rainatnight I was a sad and anxious child, too - and I remember how lonely that was, and how my depression irritated my mum. My dd irritates her father - I can see that - he refuses to accept she is depressed, but gets very wound up by her lethargy and negativity (signs of depression, I think?)

greyishblue I'm so sorry to hear about your dh, and chocolateworshipper, about your dd. Depression is a terrible thing. It - and anorexia - blighted my life for many years, and I feel despair watching my dd head the same way.

Also guilty - because she has a little sister, who is adopted and needs a huge amount of attention and support. dd1 has not had anywhere near the amount of attention and support she needs, I'm really aware of that.

I actually have the phone number of our local CAMHS, that I took down ages ago from a MN thread, and they said you could ring direct. So I might try that Tuesday morning. dd has been ok today, not ok enough for me to think there isn't a problem, but ok enough that I don't think I need to take emergency action.

I will get onto it on Tuesday, though. Thanks everyone for your support.

Definitely time to seek help OP, your instincts are right. Wishing you both the very best

The GP probably said that because he or she knows CAMHS will do bugger all.

Insist on a referral. If you are assessed by CAMHS take a full note of the conversation and confirm what has been agreed in writing. Also be clear about what tier your daughter is assessed at, what the options are, when they are accessible and put on record that you want your daughter reviewed personally by a fully qualified psychiatrist and not just by a nurse.

It is essential your daughter gets proper psychiatric support. CAMHS do a lot of assessing and very little actual delivery.

CAMHS closed dd's case the first time after offering an inaccessible and inadequate intervention. GP and CAMHS told us to find a private therapist off the internet. They can't recommend because they don't know outcomes. After an overdose CAMHS finally deigned to provide eight counselling sessions / three months later. As soon as the counselling started they closed her case. So how do they know the outcome?

I wish you and yr daughter well op. Relate are getting involved with counselling for young people. Very good, very helpful, very kind people.

If you are near London and can afford private care I can recommend an excellent child psychiatrist.

CAMHS need to start working from the premise of prevention and think how much that would sae in the long run. Push for her op, keep pushing.

What a shit GP!
I would get in touch with CAHMS don't wait. Your daughter needs help now, don't wait for the GP to decide she needs it when she's cut her wrists 😡
Follow your gut you know your daughter. Hope it turns out ok xx

OhTheRoses that is very helpful advice, and yes I am in London. Will PM you.

Thanks again, everybody.

School can refer to CAMHS, in some areas you can self refer. Look up CAMHS single point of access and your area.
Contact young minds and also BEAT.
Is she at secondary if so they will probably have a pastoral support team. May not be the answer but a start.
Also demand a referral from GP

She's still Y6, school were concerned enough to invite her to a special support group with the ed psych. Unfortunately they did this by handing her an open letter in the middle of class - so her friends grabbed it and read it and tormented her about it. Well done school

I am girding my loins to go into battle tomorrow morning...

Good luck.

Good luck with the school today. I just thought of something to add - it's so much easier to get dds to co-operate with therapy before they hit their teenage phase. (our dd first did cbt age 11/12)

It's much better to get them help earlier, you're doing the right thing.

Just want to wish you luck. It sounds like you are doing all the right things but bad g.p and bad school experiences are not going to help. Hang in there. Your dd knows you are there for her and that must be the most important thing. Hope you both get the support you need soon.

Another one who agrees your GP is hopeless but I understand this is sadly all too common when it comes to mental health. I recently heard Jonny Benjamin speak about his mental health problems and he had the same experience of no help from GP. He also suggested that for signposting of where else to go for help call the charities Mind or Rethink Mental Health.

Hope your dd gets the help she needs.

Haven't read whole thread, so may be repeating info. You can self refer to Cahms. Look on your local council website they should have the details for your single point of contact. Waiting times in our area are 6 months, so please ring today. My DD 11 has been waiting months to see the school counsellor and months to see someone with Cahms and I wish we hadn't waited so long to seek help. Www.mind.org.uk is a helpful website and has a support line so you can ring and chat to someone if you need to.💐

Huge thanks, Doris I self referred to CAMHS on Tuesday morning. They say they'll come back within 72 hours so hoping they'll call today. I feel I'd rather talk to them direct and get a sense if there is anything on offer - if there isn't, I won't drag dd through GP. I'm really concerned about the costs of going private, but if we have to I'll find a way.

dd still in a bad place, but has SATS next week so it will be good to get those behind us.

Think it's all been said, but now is most definitely the right time and please, please ignore the GP's comments- there is affordable private help too, you just need to get the ball rolling and speak to people in your area who can sign post you.
Good luck OP.

Thank you all again. CAMHS have now offered me an initial appointment. dd has filled in their questionnaire (her answers were heartbreaking) so fingers crossed they might offer us something useful.