Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

Original poster

I hate myself

16 replies

Thingamejig · 12/03/2007 18:00

I'm a regular who has changed her name.

I've got to the stage where I think I need to see my GP. I think I'm suffering from extreme depression, but hate the thought of having to seek help for it.

I am so miserable and have become reliant on food and alcohol to get through the days. In the last 6 months I have put on 2.5 stone in weight, and now I can't go more than a few days without getting drunk. I drink to the point where I can't remember what I've done.

I have a 2 year old dd who I love very much, but recently haven't got the patience to look after her. I work part-time and it's a relief to go to work so I don't have to care for her. I'm ashamed to say when I'm at home with her I spend little time interacting with her. I tend to leave her to play alone. I also shout at her alot which I hate . I have never smacked her, but feel like if I don't get some help soon it will come to that.

My relationship with her father is falling apart. We have been together for 5 years and it's got to the stage where I can't be in the same room as him. I know that I no longer love him, and it's not just because I'm depressed. I feel trapped in a relationship I don't want to be in, but worse is that I'm to frightened to be on my own to leave him.

I am going to make an appointment with my GP tomorrow because I know I need help.

Any advice in the meantime would be appreciated.

OP posts:

berolina · 12/03/2007 18:04

Didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Well done for deciding to make that appointment - it is a big and brave first step. You do sound like you could do with some help, and it is courageous to admit that and accept help.

How long have you been feeling this way? Could it be reactive, i.e. to the situation in your relationship?

Rhubarb · 12/03/2007 18:05

No real advice but didn't want to let this one pass by. One positive thing out of this is that at least you are admitting that there is a problem and you need help. So if you have been falling down a very dark deep hole all by yourself, you've just opened up a tiny crack of light and slowed down your descent.

Get lots of help, confide in friends and family and ask them for practical help, such as caring for your dd whilst you have a day off etc. Take care and I hope you get the help you need.

Original poster

Thingamejig · 12/03/2007 18:13

Thanks for responding.

I've got to the stage where I can't even remember how long I've been feeling this way.

For at least the last 6 months I have had several different issues in my life which I thought was causing my mood (don't want to go into what they were because it would give away who I regularly post as). Within the last month 3 of the 4 issues have been resolved. Now I realise these were just excuses rather than the reasons for feeling depressed.

What are my chances of being offered counselling on the NHS? Although I would be willing to go on ADs, I'd rather a long term solution.

OP posts:

amynnixmum · 12/03/2007 18:18

I'm sure you'll be able to get counselling on the NHS but there may well be a few months wait - especially if you want CBT.

Well done for making the appointment. Try not to be scared of ADs as they can make such a difference to your life. My advice for tomorrow is to write down everything you want to say to the GP - all your feelings etc and any questions you might want to ask- as when you are in there you may well find it hard to say what you want and this way if that happens you can just hand over what you've written.

Good luck

stressteddy · 12/03/2007 18:21

Just wanted to say hi and well done for this. It's the beginning of your new journey....
Good luck tomorrow and make sure you tell him/her everything

Original poster

Thingamejig · 12/03/2007 18:21

Will I be able to confide in my GP the way I have been acting with my dd, or is she likely to get people involved? Like I said in my original post, I've never hurt her but I do get angry and shout.

OP posts:

amynnixmum · 12/03/2007 18:23

You are asking for help so they won't need to get involved like that. I think its probably better if you are completely honest.

Original poster

Thingamejig · 12/03/2007 18:27

Thanks

Think I will tell her exactly what I've posted and go from there

OP posts:

amynnixmum · 12/03/2007 18:31

If you feel up to it let us know how you get on. Good luck

pinkchampagne · 12/03/2007 18:33

Well done for realising you need help here. Making an appointment with your doctor is a big step in the right direction.
It sounds like you've had a lot on your plate recently.

Be honest with your GP & see what they reccomend. Tell them that you think you may benefit from some counselling.

I am having counselling organised by my doctor (third round of it!) as I went to see him due to feeling run down & stressed.
There is normally a waiting list for NHS counselling. Mine took 6 weeks, but the waiting list varies from place to place.

Good luck tomorrow.x

swoosh · 12/03/2007 18:42

I am also a regular, but I use this name on these types of threads. Not sure why really...

Anyway, well done on making the GP appointment. I have been through this recently (you can search for my threads) - I was terrified about going to the GP and admitting that I might need help but I was at the point where I knew I had to otherwise I would do something to myself and/ or DS. I was honest with the GP about my feelings and that I knew I wanted to be a good mum but wasn't being one and felt guilty about it etc... I was terrified that they would take DS away (I had been having thoughts about killing myself and possibly him or leaving him somewhere) but they didn't bat an eyelid. I think most drs tend to (quite rightly) think that children are best with their mother.

She put me on ADs, which took about 8 weeks to kick in - I think it was the longest 8 weeks of my life - and organised counselling. Mine was sorted out fairly quickly and although I have days when I feel awful and am very depressed, I am not longer chronically suicidal and am coping better with day to day life.

It's hard to take the first step. When I did, I suddenly felt a huge sense of relief.

I would suggest that you don't make any big decisions about your relationship yet - can you try to get yourself feeling a little better about yourself first?

Take Care... x

Original poster

Thingamejig · 12/03/2007 18:58

Thanks for all the replies, especially Swoosh. It's a relief to know I'm not the only one going through this. Although I don't feel suicidal, I think it could get to that stage if I don't get some help.

It's amazing what a difference it's made to just write it all down, it makes things alot easier to understand exactly what I'm dealing with.

OP posts:

amynnixmum · 13/03/2007 15:44

How did it go today - are you ok?

swoosh · 13/03/2007 17:23

Thingamejig, how are you?

pinkchampagne · 14/03/2007 08:14

How did you get on? Are you ok?

SSShakeTheChi · 14/03/2007 08:37

Hi Thingamajig, how are you feeling today?

Sounds to me like you need a bit of a life of your own away from dh and dc. Could you imagine going to the gym with a friend regularly or taking up some kind of hobby. Perhaps you'll appreciate dh more if you're not around him so much and it really can be wearying to be around dc.

Good luck with everything

Flip