Advice needed please

[PhoebeFriends]

Hi, any suggestions, advice etc will be acted on and very much appreciated.
I have read many posts on here which I can relate to and try to use some of the suggestions to help me but I am now reaching out on a personal level.
I am married, mid 40s with 2DC. I have been suffering from depression for a while now without any clear triggers although some work related stress. I was self medicating with alcohol for around 3 years and finally went to my GP last February – I started CBT this Jan and then ADs this Feb (sertraline 50mg – slowly increasing to 100mg).
I have had suicide ideation but I think I am over that but I am finding it near impossible to function.
It feel like I’m clinging on to normality but slowly losing the grip on day to day functioning.
I don’t have many RL friends and those I do have either enough worries of their own or have backed away when I have touched on the topic of my mental health. I have spoken to the Samaritans who are wonderful for listening but I really want someone to tell me what to do. DH has said I’m looking for a magic wand – I’m not just any suggestion I will follow.
Thank you lots.

No one can really tell you what to do but they can point you in the right direction. I dont know where you are, but you could ask your doctor if there is a recovery college where you are. The recovery college is a voluntary service aimed at people with MH issues that you can attend when you like. I don't know much about it as its not something that I can get to but its been suggested to me (i'd go if I didnt have time constraints)

Thanks for your reply Chrononaut, I will find out if there is one near me.

I'd recommend therapy rather than CBT because it's bloody brilliant

Do you have a MIND group nearby? Ours runs loads of stuff, including running and talking groups, craft groups, singing etc.

Thanks for your reply CaulkheadNorth, do you mean counselling/talking therapy? I have previously been through 1-1 counselling and tried hyponotherapy but I'm not sure I had the right therapist for me.

I will look into MIND groups.

There is a recovery college near me and again that look good but I work full time and all the sessions are in working hours.

I just need to know how to get through the day. For example - I have sat here on my laptop since around 10 this morning trying to complete a report for work but I have done anything else but work. I can sit for hours almost doing nothing. I used to blame it on the alcohol but I am no longer drinking. The sertraline does impact on me slightly but I am just not functioning.

CaulkheadNorth, should I ask my GP for counselling rather than CBT?

How can I find a therapist that will help me?

Previous experiences have been costly but not moved me on anywhere.

I paid for around 4 sessions with one therapist who told me to leave my job at the time - I changed jobs and felt 100 times worse as I'd lost contact with friends I'd worked with for a long time. I am so tired.

I mean psychotherapy rather than counselling. It's different to counselling and is usually open ended. It's definitely about finding the right person though.

Maybe call your crisis team and chat to them? Here there is a team called Forward Thinking who help before the crisis team do.

I found my therapist by googling "therapist postcode". It's about finding what's right for you and sticking at it. I could easily have quit therapy in the first six months but I've now seen her for over five years and prioritise the money I spend on her over anything else.

IME CBT is short term and issue focused. Therapy is good as it gets below the issue, as such.

I can't make the decision for you as to what you need to ask your GP. You could see what options they can offer you though.

Thanks CaulkheadNorth, I will do that, I feel better just from knowing I have a plan.

Hi, you are still early days really in terms of recovery. Rather than comparing yourself to 'normal' remind yourself how far you have come the last rew months. I find meditation, mindfulness and exercise help me too. Not heard of recovery colleges before. I might look into that too.

Thank you for replying, Nolonger. I don't feel like I have come far at all but really acknowledging my depression and stopping the drinking are steps I need to remind myself and my DH of.
I do feel better after exercise but often can not get motivated enough - I am going to make myself a timetable and stick to it I think .
It's advice like this I need though - things I should try like meditation I will give a go and stick to that too - I think it's the investing in my mental well being that I need to get used to.
I also feel better for having responses on here - makes me not feel so alone so thanks again.

I have a lot of experience with healing from depression, anxiety and PTSD as does my DH. We have found that certain drugs don't work for one of us but might the other. Also it's really important to go back to the GP & discuss your medication. I've taken two different types at different times and my DH 5.

Regarding therapy, I find that running is my "thing" where as talking therapy works for my DH.

Could you return to the GP and discuss the possibility of different medication?

Also like PP said- it's not about getting back to "normal" it's about looking at how far you've come. I've been back on ADs for 4 months and I'm not where I'd like to be but I'm a million miles from where I was which was a very dark place.

You're doing well OP 🌺

I am sorry you have these struggles. After our first and when I went back to work I have also had issues and have questioned my thoughts.

I think when you are not well any additional factors like everyday stress and tiredness can make issues worse. I cannot help with any MH issues but I did have a period last year where I would listen to self hypnosis tapes (online on YouTube). My particular favourite were Michel steely: one on procrastination and one on anxiety and overthinking. I don't know if they actually did anything: but I'd take myself to bed early, pop headphones in and listen. Usually I'd not get further than 5-10 minutes in before falling asleep. So even if I didn't feel tired I would drift off. After a few times I found myself thinking more clearly and generally less daydreaming and distracted the next day. It may have just been the extra sleep but the videos helped me fall asleep.

Best of luck!

Thank you both so much for replying, I have got a GP appointment next week to discuss meds and in the meantime I will be exercising and trying some self hypnosis - I am open to anything and everything and like the idea of extra sleep.

seconding meditation - i have ongoing moderate to severe depression and the meditation really helps, especially if you can do it every day. i like the headspace app, which is free for the first 10 days.
also if you are in work could you access counselling through an employee assistance program? i did this and while you only get a limited number of sessions (i got 6 i think) it was arranged really quickly and was useful

I have found a meditation/mindfulness class so I am signing up for the introduction session.
Thank you everyone, exactly what I needed and the support alone has lifted my mood. I feel I have a plan and will make sure I stick to it.

Sounds like you are really moving ahead Phoebe. Great news. Can I also add, and you may have taken this into account, so ignore me if you have, sorry in advance.... If you were 'masking' your symptoms by drinking, when you stop drinking (very well done btw) you have to almost 'start again' with sorting the depression. So you have solved one problem, but feel like you have created another. You haven't created another, but it feels more overwhelming maybe iuswim? I find yoga helpful. I have an app on my phone as well as a class, and I find a Gratitude Diary helps me a lot, though I don't fill it in as often as I should...

You are right SpongeBob and I hadn't thought about the masking before - the realisation hit me and I've been pondering this all week.

I am still having lots of "downs" but am determined to carry out the advice given here - it has been a real life saver to have something to hold on to and work on so a big thank you.