DH and I have been together 10 years. He has suffered with depression and episodes of psychosis all the time I have known him. We seperated for a short while in the past during his worst crisis because he became so paranoid about me. Since his diagnosis 4 years ago with medication and support he was stable for around 3 years and we rebuilt our relationship. Last year he had another crisis which resulted him becoming aggressive and threatening. He was detained under section 136 by the police overnight then released after psychiatric assessment. I am recovering from PTSD caused by this incident. DH feels very guilty about it. We are supposed to be starting family therapy soon to help us work through this.
One day last week I got home and smelled weed in the house. DH has self medicated with weed and alcohol in the past before he had support from the MH team. At the time we niavely thought it helped as it calmed him we now know that it may well have contributed to his illness. He stopped smoking it when his CPN explained this to him and got him medication instead. Last time I found out he had smoked it I went mad at him, but the CPN said it was a symptom that he wasn't coping and that this approach wasn't helpful. So this time although me first response was to think "it's over, I can't do this any more" I took a deep breath and sat down with him to discuss whats wrong. Yes he said he is really struggling at the moment. He is stressed by work but also he has found it really tough supporting my PTSD and he struggles to be arround me because he blames himself and feels so guilty about it. He also worries when he is away from me that I will hurt myself (I'm not going to, I had bad urges to self harm at one point but thats settled now).
The issue is he really doesn't seem to want to spend time with me these days. He goes to the pub almost every evening with his mates. This is a new thing, we always used to do things together. Even when we agree to have a date night he often goes out instead often straight from work. He never comes home drunk or stoned. He says the weed I smelled this time was a one off a mate had given him. He is still loving and affectionate when he is home. Plenty of cuddles and kisses. Its just he's hardly ever here these days. Today we had planned to do the garden together, but hes gone to the pub. I asked him not to, but he still went. Prommised to be home for 6.30 to do garden with me but not home yet.
I'm getting quite worried about our relationship now, desperately waiting to get a date for this family therapy and hoping that helps.