DH said DD doesn't look like me....

[scribbly]

I've been trying to get my head around this but can't work out my feelings. Have I been suffering PND all this time?.Joyously gave birth to my DD last June. But I have an overwhelming need for her to look like me. As time goes on and if people/ or his family say she looks like DH I feel overwhelmed with sadness and can't stop crying.I find myself not wanting to be involved with DD, and If I wasn't BF I would honestly just let DH deal with her. I resent her and DH; then a few days pass and I'm ok again.

Sorry you're feeling like this .

If you don't mind me asking, what's your family background like? Did/do you have a healthy relationship with your own parents?

It sounds as though having your dd has stirred up something painful for you which you may not be completely aware of. Do you think you could consider having some counselling?

As for the PND, people do have it for very long periods if they don't get help. Have you felt depressed and low often since having her, or are you all right apart from this one issue?

My niece looks so much like my brother it's scary. But the way she stands, the way she gestures, her facial expressions, everything like that is so much her mother -- it's almost like watching one of those body swap movies where one person ends up in another's body.

I suspect that your DD looks a lot more like you than people imply. And even if she doesn't then, like my niece, I bet by the time she's a little older she'll have picked up so much behaviour from you that it'll be like looking in a mirror.

I would talk to your GP about the possibility of PND, though -- the strength of your reaction (being "overwhelmed", and a comment affecting your relationship with your DH and DD for a few days) does suggest that there may be some underlying problem like PND making you particularly vulnerable.

Message withdrawn

I used to have a good relationship with my parents; or so I thought. But relationships now are very strained. When I told my mum I was prenant with DD, her exact words were " oh not again" (I had suffered a miscarriage 1 1/2 years earlier). They never ask about DD and have seen her maybe 5 times this year ( they live only 10 miles away).

I think I've been ok other than this; I havn't told anyone how I feel because I can't rationalise my feelings.

She probably does look like you or, as she grows up and has spent time with you, will take on your mannerisms which will make people think she's more like you than your DH.

People mostly say DD looks like me. From the top lip down she is all my DH; from the bottom of her nose up she is me. When she sits on the sofa with her dad watching TV, they look like two 30-years-apart peas in a pod!

But most important, she's all her

Message withdrawn

Since DD came along DH and I are more companions. By that I mean we love each other but there's no real intimacey. We still have a cuddle when cooking dinner etc but that's as far as it goes. DH did walk out on me when I was 7 months pregnant because we were rowing alot.

Message withdrawn

Just read through all your comments.. thank you for posting. I know as she gets older they'll be snippets of me coming through - strange but just someone else saying that reassures me. I'm sat typing this and looking at the back of her neck and catching a glimpse of her chubby cheeks and know that really it doesn't matter who she looks like; she's unique and bloody gorgeous!
Just wish I didn't react the way I do.

Dior I think you're absolutely right.. And that's exactly why i'm still BF; only I can do that for DD :0

I know, it's very unnerving when you get hit in the stomach with feelings you didn't know you had. Having children turns you inside out emotionally I think.

If you do continue to feel down or desperate about this though, do consider asking for some counselling. Lots and lots of people do when they have a child and it stirs things up - why live with something that troubles you, if you can get help and free yourself from it?

She does sound gorgeous, I love little chubby cheeks

Yes I will seriously think about chatting to someone; would be a relief to get to the bottom of these feelings. To be honest I haven't as yet because I really wanted to have another baby asap and thought if I spoke to doc it may delay any treatment I need to fall pregnant again ( I ovualte and have a period maybe twice a year due to PCO). But that's naturally held up anyhow as I'm BF.

When I fisrt saw dd I was alarmed at how much she looked liked dh. They was no 'me' in her. I was OK with it, used to joke that if I hadn't given birth to her, I would doubt she was mine....

Then she got THE most beautiful blue eyes, my blue eyes.

That was enough for me. Now as she is getting older (is 3) there is more of me than dh.

Message withdrawn