I think I need some help

[catlover1987]

I have never admitted this before, but I think I may be bulimic.

I have struggled with my weight most of my life (I'm now 30.) When I was at university, I used to binge and purge fairly regularly. But during my 20s, I would only do it once every few months.

I have been having trouble TTC and although this may not be related to my weight (I am 16 stone) I decided to try and lose some weight, and so joined slimming world in February. This seems to have triggered something, as I have been binging and purging on an almost weekly basis, following the plan, but then having a big binge, always when my husband is not home.

I have never really seen this as being a problem as I didn't do it regularly but tonight, I did something I've not done before. I actually planned a binge. I knew my husband would be away tonight, so I went to Tesco and bought a lot of junk food, with the intention of binging and purging.

I have just eaten a donut, brownie sundae, some haribo and a chocolate milkshake and then made myself sick. I think I might need some help. I can't tell anyone in real life. My husband would be so angry - I mentioned years ago that I used to do this occasionally at uni but promised I wouldn't do it again as he seemed really shocked and upset by it.

I think I want to stop this, but I'm not sure how. What do I do? Sorry for the long post.

I've not got experience of bulimia, but your GP sounds like a good place to start. I also know from my issues with self harm, what a relief it was when I finally told DH. He was shocked and upset, and didn't really understand it, but it felt so good to share it and to face things together. It took a few goes to get it out and it was actually a proffesional I admitted it to first. Saying it out loud was so hard, but it really did help.

GP will refer you for CBT. If this is not linked to other issues then you will prob find CBT really helpful.

I plan b/p sessions sometimes and then it spirals out of control and costs an absolute fortune, it is hard to get out the further you spiral.

Thank you for the replies both. Feeling pretty down and ashamed today but never feel like that at the time.

You've done the hardest bit by admitting to yourself theres a problem. Its an illness that can be treated. You don't need to be ashamed.

b-eat are a charity who host self help groups in different areas.

Good luck

I also think you really need to leave Slimming World, that kind of thing is such a bad idea for anyone with a history of any eating disorder.

If you are trying to think about health and TTC have a look at Health At Every Size resources as a better approach. But do also see your GP for CBT.

Hi catlover. I saw your post days ago but have been wondering whether to reply or not.
Your post struck a chord. Apart from some differences in our ages and circumstances I could have written your post word for word.
I was also not well at Uni and did mention it to DH when we first met but we've never spoken of it since. If something is on the telly about it I pretend I'm busy on my phone/ipad or I leave the room.
I'm so ashamed of myself - I'm a professional woman and a mother and I know this isn't right. Like you, I feel that my husband must never know about this. And I can't stand the thought of my children finding out in future. I have friends but I'm too scared they would tell my husband. I can't go to the doctor either as a referral would mean my husband finding out.
I don't really know why I'm posting because I have no advice. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Hi onesparesecond. Thank you for replying and I'm sorry you are going through this too. I haven't binged and purged since I last posted but my husband is away for the night next Wednesday and I know this is when I will be tempted. Although I know deep down that this is not normal behavior, a part of me still thinks 'well it's just once in a while, what harm can it do.'

one whatever you discuss with your GP is confidential, often with mental health its a self referal by phone too. And to you both, this is a illness, it's not your fault, you don't need to feel ashamed about it.