I hate my life

[mama2g]

I just feel like I need a hug me and my partner hate each other I feel like my kids hate me my family don't give a shit,I hate my job all while I'm plastering a smile on my face and making sure everybody else is happy when in reality I wish I could just disappear. I cry myself to sleep most nights while desperately praying to just not wake up. I'm sat here sobbing my heart out after another miserable day made worse by a whole fucking 12 hours of arguing with my partner and my inside voice just screaming at him to fuck off and move out leave me alone. Sad thing is I'm not strong enough to leave him. To top it off I know I'm depressed but here goes that little voice telling me I'm not worth the help just some one tell me it gets better please

Hi. So sorry you're having such a bad time. It sounds awful. I am sure you are brilliant really it's just hard to see it yourself when in the midst of it all. Hang in there, it can get so much better x

Do you want to unpack that a bit? It sounds as though your DP is the problem?

He is I hate him he hates me but neither of us will bite the bullet and end things we get on with it for the sake of our 2 girls. And I'm at the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. To prove a point I'm here asking strangers to help me feel better because I feel so lonely

What does "getting on with it" constitute of? Because 12hrs of rowing isn't helping DDs.

I feel for you but you gave to make a sacrifice somewhere. Start by visiting your GP. When your mood lifts you'll be in a position to take control of your life once more.

getting on with it- pretending to be a happy family to the outside and trying to give the kids a happy childhood.I don't have the mental energy to leave and he is just a stubborn arsehole hence the 12 hours of Petty arguing we just don't get on. I know I need to and everytime I have a bad day I swear I'm gonna go see the doctor but I'm so used to pretending everything is ok I'd probably go in there and be like yeah I'm fine no problem because I always just assume people don't wanna bother with me

Go and see your GP. You can do this.

Then, start investigating relationship counselling. Quite often the counselling is done through charities or supported and may not be as £££ as all that. It is worth it to stop the bickering. It may not be able to fix the problems but it should make the solutions clearer.