Wide awake and mind is spinning

[Cantstopeatingchocolate]

I guess since I'm awake I'd post here to see if it would be cathartic enough to get me back to sleep.
I'm seeing my doctor in the morning for more anxiety meds (hopefully). I am not coping and have been crying for 3 days....not constantly but a lot of crying.

I've made a big decision today to not continue on the adoption process due to 2 failed attempts. I don't think I dealt with the grief from the first failed adoption (we had brought our little boy home and after 5 weeks his birth mother wanted him back) and this second mess has brought all those feelings back up.
I've argued with DH, which is another reason I'm crying so much and I don't know how we're going to get through this.
I know I'm probably just being melodramatic, thought a wee rant on here might help a bit.

Chin up lovely, I'm feeling down too. And I know no matter how much people tell you it'll all be alright and they are there for you, they can never truly understand the thought patterns and feelings. Speak to the doctor, be honest, and seek some therapy if you haven't already. I'm still on the waiting list for mine but praying it will hurry up as I'm really struggling on med dosage. I'll check in tomorrow incase you reply. Even if you don't; please know you're not alone

Aw thank you mrs, that's me awake again. It's a strange feeling, I should be exhausted or at least tired but I'm not.
This time I have to insist on a longer term solution, last time the doc treated me like it was a one off adverse reaction to the situation....which I guess it was. But since then I have done a lot of googling (I know, I know it's a very bad thing) and I think I have probably been managing depression for years.

At least I'm feeling calmer this morning, not quite so 'uncontrolled', hopefully this means I can have a calmer conversation with the doctor and not be quite so hysterical. But that's what my mind is racing with today.....what's the most important things that need to be said in a short appointment.