My life is falling apart what do I tackle first?

[NotOneThingButAnother]

I've been struggling from day to day for a very long time, at least 3 years maybe more like 5.

I have a huge backlog of work, I work from home for a client, they rely on me and other peoples jobs depend on me. I am so behind I cannot cope. My husband says that's because I use social media, its my fault, but I use that to actually help me cope talking to the few friends I have. Both my best friends died within the last 3 years, only in their 40s/50s. It has destroyed me, I was just holding on with their support but without it, I can't cope. They also supported my children - my DCs are struggling one with GCSEs she needs lots of practical and emotional help, and other DD has terrible anxiety, I can't find anyone to treat it - she also has a long term health issue and has finally got the consultant referral she needs. In the meantime, the school are now prosecuting us for her sickness (got that letter this week).

I am trying to organise a holiday during which the house will be refurbished, both proving to be a nightmare. The house is a terrible dirty mess, even getting to the shops to buy basics is overwhelming.

H and I are over, he is an abusive prick but I can't cope with all this and leaving him, kids have begged me not to break the family up.

And me? I'm organising a parcel to be returned to Amazon so that's ok then. How can I cope with this?

Have you been to your GP to discuss how you are feeling? That would be my first step.

Can you speak to the schools to see if theres anything else that they can do to support both daughters. Most schools have access to councellors which could be an option for the daughter with the anxiety.

If the holiday and house renevations are stressing you rather than helping I'd be tempted to postpone them until you are feeling better.

Dr's appt sounds wise. As does talking to the school.

Re the social media, be really honest with yourself about how much you are using it vs how long it is actually truthfully really useful. I gave myself a two weeks break from fb recently, it has totally changed how I use it. I log in for ten or so minutes a day now, check up on my closet friends, have a quick scroll and out again.

Working from home can be a real challenge in defining the work/home divide. Is it possible you can explore ways of working smarter rather than harder? Anyway you can hotdesk at your clients a day or two a week when the DC are at school?

I'm so sorry you lost your best friends. Your friends would of wanted you to do ok. What advice would they have given you?

Get outside everyday, even if only for a cuppa in the garden/feed the birds/smell the roses. DON'T take your phone. You need the vit D and to detach then decide what is really important. YOU. One step at a time. Set a few goals with a few rewards. It will make you feel better and give you confidence in regaining control of your life.

As for the abusive prick. That must be really getting you down and affecting your confidence. Ultimately you know you are going to feel better when you aren't being abused anymore. Are we talking emotional/verbal/physical here? You deserve happiness as do your DC. They maybe asking you not to break up the family but could it be that their issues could improve if they weren't living with a man who abuses their mum.