Hi Tinkerbell,
I'm sorry if my post last night caused offense, I saw your post just as I was about to go to bed and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. At the same time I knew that I wouldn't be able to spend time giving you a propper answer and get up in time for work this morning.
Anyway that brings me nicely on to the most important piece of advice that I would give anyone who is supporting someone else. Make sure that you put yourself and your health first. Supporting someone with their MH is hard. We need to look after ourselves because if we don't and we go under we can't look after anyone else. It's like on a plane they tell you to put your own oxygen on first. What do you do for you? What support do you have for you? If you are providing a lot of support for your DP then you are entitled to a carers assessment from social services. I'm not sure what support they can give to be honest as I haven't had one myself.
DH has a diagnosis of depression and episodes of psychosis, rather than schizophrenia, but I know that psychosis is a large part of schizophrenia so there may be some similarities in our experiences. We are lucky in that with a combination of antipsychotics, support from an early intervention in psychosis team and lifesyle changes DHs symptoms were well controlled for about 3 years (since diagnosis) and our life became much easier and happier. Then his psychiatrist decided to stop his antipsychotic and he had a relapse last year which was very unpleasant and traumatic for both of us. He is back on the antipsychotic and we are both recovering (I've been treated for PTSD from this last relapse) and both now back at work.
After DHs first major crisis (which led to his diagnosis) I found myself asking myself a lot of very hard questions about our relationship and our future. We even seperated for a few months. If you do want to stay with him its definately worth finding out more about schizophrenia and really thinking about how this is likely to impact on your lives together and your futures. Do you live together? Do you want children in the future? How will your DPs condition impact on these things?
I really recommend watching professor Elyn Saks on utube. She is a professor of psychology, psychiatry and law in the USA and also has schizophrenia. I found watching her talk really helped me understand psychosis in a way I hadn't before. I'm reading her autobiography at the moment, but haven't got very far in yet.
How involved have you been in your DPs treatment? Have you had any support from his MH team? (Is this a new diagnosis or a relapse?) DHs team have been wonderfully supportive allocating a CPN to support me and they used to run a friends and family support group too which was very helpful, though unfortunately they lost funding for that. I found it very helpful to sit in on some of DHs CPN appointments particularly in the early days. We have also done joint work with both CPNs, which we are doing again at the moment. Is this something your DP and his team would consider.
With DH the meds haven't changed him as a person, infact they have allowed all the good parts of his character to remain without the more difficult aspects which were from the psychosis. From a side effects perspective when he is on a high dose (as he is at the moment) he gets very tired and sleeps a lot (can easily sleep 18 hours straight) and doesn't have much energy for going out and doing things, he has put on a lot of weight and is constantly hungry. The high dose can also make things more difficult in the bedroom. How do you find the meds have changed your DP? Ultimately it is likely he will be on meds of some sort for life so this a consideration for you too.
Its a nasty illness and I think when DH is poorly it affects him as much as me.