So deflated

[MyBreadIsEggy]

I've been on citalopram for pnd and anxiety since December after the birth of DC2. It's worked wonders for me - I've been feeling better than I ever have since DC1 was born 2 years ago! But after a hectic few days, I've realised I've forgotten to take my meds 3 days in a row. I've been feeling absolutely rotten No energy. No patience for anything. Irritated by the slightest noise. Really random spells of anger. I remembered today that I've missed a few days of medication, took it and felt myself levelling out over the course of the day, but now I just feel like a pathetic loser who is so reliant on medication just to look after my kids without losing my shit I know I clearly need to stay on the medication, but I also need help to come to terms with the fact that I do actually have an illness
Sorry for waffling

Ow ow ow
That hurts.

You are not a pathetic looser who relies on drugs. You are very ill and feel like crap because you got your meds wrong. Can I offer a perspective. My wife is diabetic. If she gets her daily insulin injections wrong it makes her feel like she wants to die. It can take days to recover.

It will take tou some time to get back on the level. But as soon as you start taking your meds you will start to ferl the effects.

I have taken citalopram (60mg) for PND for 4 years, now on 30mg as pregnant with my 2nd child. After years of cycles of depression, then being ok I've come to terms with the fact that it's better for me to stay on medication and feel fine, the come off it and feel like crap.

My psychiatrist tells me that Imjust have to accept the fact that this is the way I'm made and it's no different from any other illness, which is of course totally true.

You're not a loser, you're just someone doing the very best for yourself and your children, so stop beating yourself up about it.

Thanks for the replies.
I think my biggest struggle is the huge lack of support surrounding it. My parents don't talk about "things like that" and my DH knows about it but I don't think he really understands fully

I have medication I'm supposed to take daily, and I'm rubbish at remembering. You are acquiring a new habit, so don't beat yourself up. You are learning to manage your condition, that's all.

I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds a bit like my DM. Some people are very ignorant.

Mental health really is still such a difficult thing to talk about, especially PND as you feel so judged for it. You're just waiting for people to recoil in horror when you tell them what you've been thinking or feeling.

I never used to say anything about my PND or being treated for it, but I've now reached the stage where I don't care anymore. I've just taken the attitude that if people react badly, then that is a sad reflection of their ignorance towards mental health issues. However, 99% of people I've spoken to have been incredibly sympathetic and said how difficult it must be to talk about it. Many have then admitted to depression issues themselves.

Do not be scared to talk about it, I really think that the more you do the less scary it becomes for others and for yourself.

Citalopram can have some nasty withdrawal effects if you stop cold turkey, so this could be what you were experiencing, it doesnt necessarily mean that you won't ever be able to cope without them. And as others have said theres no shame if you do need to stay on them long term its just the same as something like insulin for a diabetic.

NoLonger it's so scary to think I might feel like that again when I eventually come off of them I hope my GP will be of more help than he was when he prescribed them. It was very much "oh your a bit down, here's a pill, bye bye!"

NoLonger it's so scary to think I might feel like that again when I eventually come off of them I hope my GP will be of more help than he was when he prescribed them. It was very much "oh your a bit down, here's a pill, bye bye!"

Eggy,
Don't worry about comming off when the time is right.. Just do it carefully and slowly. As no Longer says, you were going cold turkey.. I came off citralopram without any problems when it felt right. I simply took a bit of time and reduced the dose very slowly over about three or four months.

These days I use a pill reminder so I can make sure I know I have taken my meds.

How are you feeling now?

I second what difference says, I just spread the last pack out. Once a day, Every other day, every couple of days. Eased off gradually. You should do that with the doctor though.
It's good the tablets have been helping.

I'm feeling perfectly normal now!
Took yesterday's tablet when I remembered in the afternoon, and have taken today's first thing this morning.
I went to bed really early last night too, which I think helped - if I'm asleep I can't feel shit!! Woke up with DC2 at 6 and actually had energy this morning where's I'm normally a grumpy zombie

Glad you are feeling better, as PP has said, whenbthe time is right come of slowly with Drs advice rather than sudenly stopping. DH forgot his citalopram when we went on holiday once and had to see a Dr to get some as the sudden stop made him feel awful.

You're doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. For you to realise at such a low ebb that your feelings are caused by lack of medication shows how much self insight you have. At my lowest point I had no awareness of why I felt so shit - I just knew the world was about to end and me with it. Please be kind to yourself today. ((unmumsnetty hugs))

Part of it may have just been withdrawal symptoms from the medication itself - ssris need to be stopped gradually. There is no reason that you will not be able to get back to "normal" when you're ready to come off them gradually