PND recovery - if you suffered PND what responses/advice did you find most helpful?

[filthymindedvixen]

Am trying to gather some more info to help support some mums and their families. If you have suffered from PND I'd be very grateful for any words of wisdom which might help others. Thanks.

Bump

' You are poorly...you will get better'
Sounds ridiculous...but those few words meant so much to me at the time.

Friends who came over really helped. Some took the baby out for an hour or so and gave me a bit of time to myself. Others came over and kept me company at home; held the baby while I got some jobs done. One fabulous friend came over and cleaned up my kitchen for me and also my bedroom, then she bought new sheets and changed my bed for me. What an angel.

My GP, on my first visit in floods of tears said things along the lines of -

'Depression is treatable. Myself and many other doctors I know always feel quite positive when someone has pnd as we know it is so curable with the right treatment. It is always a good feeling when we se someone completely recovered months down the line'

It almost sounded as though she was glad it was that, in a funny sort of way iykwim

That it was an illness. That it was common. That it was a chemical imbalance and that antidepressants help to stabilise the imbalance and allow your brain to start functioning/producing/dealing with seratonin properly again.

Re-assurance, and my DP telling me every day for months - "i love you and you will get better".

i had pnd and have since suffered from recurring depression - i treat it like i would recurring tonsillitis - sometimes i need medicine to help me better, other times i don't just like when i have a sore throat. it doens't make you a freak, you're just ill and you will get better...i told my hv how i dealt with it and she like the analogy so much that she now uses it with other mums that may be struggling...

i was really trying to get through it without anti-depressants because of bad experiences with them in the past. but i struggled. then i someone said something along the line of this: "it's an illness. you take medication for any other illness because it makes you feel better. the anti-depressants do the same, they make you better". i'm now on prozac and coping really well.

ADs really didn't help me that much. I coped by structuring every day that I was with DCs to spend as little time on own in house as possible - seeing people, going to cafe, going on bus, going to toddlers, going to swings. Every day had its own activities and they were the same every week. It sounds God awful with hindsight but it really helped me - controlled that "help, I can't cope" feeling as I knew every day what I would be doing.

agree with a lot of the posts on here. "you are ill, not mad. it isnt your fault, and isnt a failing. you will get better, just not overnight"

thank you all for sharing. VVV, I welled up at your Dp's daily mantra, what a lovely man!
I and other volunteers are supporting several very unwell women at the moment and though we all have some experience/empathy, sometimes we need reassurance that what we are saying/doing is helpful and not going to make people feel worse IFKWIM.

It may help others on here too?!

when i was sat wailing in the GPs surgery, saying 'every one else copes, why can;t i??'

he sagely handed me the tissues, and said

'how do you know everyone else can cope?'

it was like a light bulb going on somewhere in the dark recesses, that maybe, just maybe, i am not the only one

He really is FMF. I am very lucky.

The best piece of advice I got was to get out - followed by an invitation to tea. This happened in the waiting room of the HV Clinic. The girl who invited me to tea could clearly see that I was struggling. She had previously had PND and knew what she was seeing.

I truly could have kissed her. Its the most random act of kindness I have ever been the recipient of and it made all the difference in the world.

Once I had listened to her and heard about her difficult start to life with both of her children I had a much clearer view on what I needed to do (i.e. see the GP, get AD's get out and about, take up something for myself).

I have since lost contact with her but have often wanted to let her know what I have just told you all.

I never actually admitted or told anyone about my feelings. Even now, when I have got through it and left it behind, I can't bring myself to say that I had it. But I did. I knew I did. I bought books, I had private counselling which I would sneak to when I had childcare organised. My DP knew and was incredibly supportive but he also understood I couldn't talk about it in simple terms. He never lost patience. He never let go.

What got me through was similar to gooseyloosey, but the opposite. I worked out ways to stay in. I would rush out, avoiding the world, do what I had to and retreat with my dd. I would get the essential jobs done in the morning and play or cry in the afternoon. It was having a simple structure that gave me both time to fall apart and time to be a mum that helped. Reading "At Home No-One Hears You Scream", Cara Aitken, helped a lot, it was a huge relief to read about others feelings because I certainly didn't want to be face to face with anyone.

The lightbulb moment came when I was alone with DD. One day she hugged me from behind as I was crouching down. I felt her warm body on my back and I understood that she was hugging me totally of her own accord, because she wanted to and not because I was hugging her. I realised she loved me. I realised I loved her completely.

Later I watched some camcorder stuff I'd taken of her. She looked so happy in the film, and my house and my life looked so totally different to how it felt at the time when I thought I was living in a pig sty. On film, my house looked clean, happy and it looked like someone who knew what they were doing lived there . I started recording lots and taking heaps of photographs. Then, on a bad day I'd get them out and see how far I'd travelled and it gave me fresh hope.

I know my post isn't exactly what you asked for, but maybe it shows another side of the coin. And if you can help anyone thats a good thing.

I agree, the realisation that pnd is an illness, and that it will get better, is a really helpful thing to focus on.
One friend took me round to her house, made me scrambled eggs on toast and sat with me watching a film while my daughter slept. Just getting out of my house and being distracted from my own thoughts was wonderful.
Learning that other people 'catastrophise' was a revelation. I wasn't the only person who had recurring fantasies about what would happen if something awful happened to my baby.