dont want to be treated

[BCGRMDP]

i have severe depression and am supposed to be starting sertraline but truth is i cant remember what it feels like to feel and have emotions. im so blank its easy to put on a normal front at the moment. i dont want to feel hurt or anger or anything, im happy as i am.

i cant be the only one?

Ah no BCG! Frustrating. It might not be the sertraline though, anxiety itself can lead to insomnia, have you suffered with it before?

I know lots of people will have suggestions on what helps them with insomnia if you need.

Starting medication can be daunting and mean you're on red alert for every possible side effect. I've just increased my dose, and I'm sitting here wondering if my dry lips/mouth are due to the meds.... but you know what I really haven't drink enough water, so it's more likely that!

I hope you at least managed to get a little rest last night.

Aww no insomnias horrible, hope it settles soon. DH finds pukka night time tea helps and swears by guided meditations too.

no sleep was the one thing my body was managing. not really helpful when you have kids who wake every 90 mins for me to take an hour to fall back asleep :(

How have you felt throughout the day BCG?

just sick and the same constant horrible thoughts of trying to work out who i can give the kids to so they can have a decent mum.

i dont think im a suicide risk, even though i dont want to exist, i havent got the balls for suicide. however i do think if i get much lower i will just leave the kids with someone and never return to them :(

The side effects normally ease off after the first couple of weeks, then you start to feel the benefits, stick with it.

And your kids need you, you're their mum and you love them like no one else can. It's the depression making you think this way

i have just spent the last 4 sodding hours walking laps of my lounge with an angry teething baby. life is tough

It is. Life can be horribly tough and unfair and just plain shit at times.

Remember you said had a plan to call the outreach worker this morning to ask them to accompany you for the perinatal mental health appointment. Are you still thinking of doing that?

I hope you got a little rest last night.

yes i rang her and shes coming with me but now worried they will think im pathetic.

really nervous

Hope your appointment went ok. I'm sure lots of people ask for someone else to be with them for support, so don't worry about that.

I think it sounds really sensible to have someone else there, for support and to make sure you feel you get your concerns across & someone else to confirm with you what they say.

Was the appointment today, how did it go?

argh i dont know what to do. my one saving frace was the fact both kids were sleeping 7pm-10pm so i could get some down and housework time. last three days its gone to shit and im on my knees.

my toddler has screamed for so long about going yo bed she vomitted everywhere. its 9pm and neither are asleep and im so broken.

the Ppointmemt went ok. just needed to vent so will be back about appointment

not sure I can say much to help sending big hugs to you.