I just cant understand it?

[pineappleshortbread]

I have suffered from depression for 14yrs plus and im in my twenties.

Ive always known how to cope, how to wear the mask in public and what my triggers were.

Recently everything's changed I feel so unwell and sad all the time and I dont know why.i cant cope at work anymore but time off isnt an option. At home O barely get through the day.

Right now im at work and I just want to hide in a corner and cry. I feel alone sad and like my world is falling apart. I just need others who can understand which is why im posting

Hi pineapple surely a visit to the Gp is in order.I really feel for you struggling like this.I was doing well for years then started to suffer crippling anxiety.I had a week off and I feel much better than I've felt for months.There are plenty of us who know how you feel.

Hi Pineapple

I understand how you're feeling. You're not alone.

We can't all be expected to cope all of the time by ourselves without any support - that's placing massive expectations on ourselves, we're only human! When we suffer with mood disorders like depression there doesn't need to be an obvious trigger as to why we might suddenly experience overwhelming emotions that we don't understand, stop us in our tracks and severely impair how we can function on a day to day basis.

Have you had any help or treatment in the past at all? It sounds like asking for some more support might be a reasonable idea at the moment.

Keep posting if you need [choc]

Thank you for your replies.
I was on citalopram when I was 16 but didnt stick to it. I agree that I think I need the gp aswell and Im lucky to have a really supportive Dh but he doesnt understand that there is no reason behind why I feel so depressed.

Ive also been struggling with some anxiety attacks and have been coming to terms with the fact that my dad was an emotionally abusive man when I was a child and he had really bad anger issues meaning that my earliest memory of him is being curled up with my grandad terrified while he shouts and scream.
I had a difficult childhood as I grew up with my grandparents until I was about 13 when I then went to live with my mum. I them started self harming a couple of years later and my mum couldnt understand my depression and told me to just get over it.

I am hoping to start some counselling to try and help me come to terms with my childhood. As I said before I am really lucky to have an amazing Dh who does his best to support and help me.

Fingers crossed you don't have to wait too long for a GP appt. I've not continued with meds more times than I can count - just stopped taking them because I either felt better(!) so I thought or thought they weren't working anyway and what was the point. I'm sure lots of us have.

It sounds like processing what your father did is going to be a major thing for you, it's ok to need some help and support with that.