theres a world full of people and I feel like im on my own, no one understands how I feel. I just get judged. hated.
no one will truly understand how hard it is to keep my head straight for 24hrs, to keep my mind from wondering into a breakdown. I hurt so much,
yesterday I was walking down the street feeling so alone, lost and unstable.
I have BPD so I send people away in fear of hurting them. or like someone one min then the next I don't want them near me. I cant handle relationships, I cant be stable for any one, kids, partners, friends.... yet the lack of family has always and will always make me feel like its not worth living. theres no future.
I cant ever see me being normal and coping. I don't ever see me being understood, who will want to be around someone like this? I have to talk my self out of selfharm and suicide cos the kids shouldn't have to go through a loss, but some days I fail and sometimes im scared one day I cant talk myself out of it.
this is all nonsense because I struggle to put it in the right words. don't know why im writing, no one can help really.