Had 1st counselling session and it's messed me up

[ChasingAPinkBall]

Hello,

Only had my assessment appointment on Monday but even that has brought back all of the feelings and memories I'd had quite safely locked away.

I'm on sertraline and have been for 18 months. That along with some lifestyle changes made a massive improvement with my depression symptoms.
I thought I was sorted. Apparently not!

I've now realised that I'm still messed up about my past and my symptoms have all come flooding back since my counselling session and I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I was anxious and couldn't see anyone. I barely made it through the day. I felt like I was hanging on by a thread and I would just snap at any minute.
I've got 2 small kids and I managed to keep it together and look after them. I snapped a couple of times but overall managed.

Today, I'm still feeling anxious but I'm manic too.
I can't sit still. I can't think straight. I'm doing every thing really quickly.
I want to be alone. I've called in sick at work.
Husband just told me to stop moping so I can't talk to him.

Why am I so manic? What's happening to me? Does anyone know?
I've not got bipolar. Just depression. I don't know what to do so I can get back to where I was. I just want to check out of my life for a few days but I can't.

It's so, so normal; it really is. You've got to keep telling yourself that counselling is the right decision and please do stick with it, you will reach a point where you feel similar to how you did before you started and from then it will be easier.

You feel a mess because you've been thinking and brining into the open things you had hidden away and not allowed yourself to access. It might have felt like you were doing fine, but if you were, you wouldn't be going for counselling

It's going to help so much, but the first weeks and sessions are tough.

Thank you for replying.
I didn't realise how much these things affected me.
I only went to counselling because whenever I came off the tablets I struggled and ended up back on them. I went to counselling thinking "they'll send me away cos I'm fine and I'm just someone who needs the tablets!"
But I feel terrible. I've never had this manic feeling before.

Try not to worry. This does sound normal to some extent although obviously you need to be the judge. I found counselling made me feel worse some weeks, and better most. And it is painful reliving those feelings - but I think counselling should be a safe space to do that and hopefully you can process the feelings better now through counselling than at the time, so that you will get better in the long term.

Having said that, if you get really scared do you know who to call? I think it's really good that you are so aware of your feelings and able to describe them.

Thank you so much for your reassurances and understanding.
I feel calmer now that I know it's normal.
I always feel like I need someone to tell me that it's ok to feel bad.

My husband is here and I have a wonderful GP so I will go there if it gets very bad.

Thank you.

Its definately not unusual for councelling or psychotherapy to stir up difficult memories and emotions. Talk to your councellor about how you have felt it will give them guidance on how to proceed.

My councellor has always been very good at not pushing things too fast. I'm recovering from a PTSD and she said that traditional councelling methods can retraumatise. I found the psychologist I saw certainly made things much worse. I saw an nlp therapist for something called Eye Movement Integration, which was a much better experience for me personally.

So so so normal- I promise you. I felt terrible after my first half a dozen sessions, and dreaded going. I'd be tearful then, angry, restless then lethargic- I thought it was making me "crazier" than I already felt I had been.

By the time I was done with counselling (six months on) - I was sad it was coming to an end. I used to look forward to going! Something just ... Shifted... as I worked my issues out.

Keep at it- it's a hard road, but where you're going is very much worth it.

It's definitely normal.

When I had counselling I felt that I hadn't really needed it, but once I started unpacking the box of crap in my mind, all manner of stuff came flying out - things that I thought I'd dealt with years ago.

It's important to keep unpacking and don't be frightened of what you feel about what comes out as it's part and parcel of dealing with them and moving non positively.

I felt unbelievably restless after my first session but it got better every time I went. Hang in there, you've taken a really important first step in even going to counselling.