Can I have some Peace?

[ConcreteRose27]

I think I may have anxiety I'm 27 I have not been officially diagnosed by a Dr but when I've dine an online assessment it gave me a 68% as my potential anxiety level.one minute I'm happy and greatful for things that are happening. The next I feel as if I'm doomed and not able to be loved.my mother is an alcoholic in which our relationship has been rocky for some time since the passing of my grandmother in 2011 I was 21 years old.My grandmother was like my Mom she was there for me in ways my mother wasn't or just couldn't even the emotional aspect of my life my grandmother was there.my mother would let my father in whom I lived with until about the age of 18 discipline me in very crucial ways so bad my grandmother stepped in and took me in.my mother would say nothing I would go to school like I'd just had a bad night. With a pimp 💔....it was awful I still think about some of the times until this day. Why didn't she say anything? Why didn't she protect me as one of Her OWN all of those years in that house I felt alone until I was blessed with a brother in 97...? Unfortunately my grandma passed in 2011 I found her and my uncle passed away on my cousins wedding day.they died of carbon monoxide poison. My mind has been like a roller coaster I have my highest high I'm taking care of business feeling like superwoman then I just come down crashing out of nowhere.this affects the relationship I'm in with my boyfriend. I feel like this isn't fair to him I love him and don't want to keep putting energy into my past I really want to get past this situation any thoughts??

I'm so sorry for what you've been through - there's a lot of trauma you mention there, abuse from your father during childhood and then losing your grandma in such sudden and tragic circumstances. It's absolutely understandable that going through those things would affect you in very deep rooted ways. It's not your fault how other people behave or the effect that events have on you.

Are you in the UK? Just because you used 'Mom' I wanted to check. If you are then the first step would be to see your GP to explain how you're feeling, what you've been through and ask for help. Given the complex nature of the things you mention I'd imagine it could be appropriate for the GP to refer you to the psych assessment team fairly quickly, but they might want to see you a few times first to get to know you and and monitor how you're doing. This doesn't mean that you're crazy, at all. It means that your mind might need help to heal from old wounds just the same as your body would if you bust your knee but kept walking on it for years.

There also might be support organisations that would be appropriate for you to contact depending on where you are. Talking to the people around you about how you're feeling can really help as well. How long have you been with your boyfriend, is he supportive of you?

That sounds really tough. I agree with munchkin you need to see your GP, you could print out your post and the questionairre you completed to take with you if you think that would help. It would certainly give you a starting point.