What do I do?

[Nonibaloni]

I've been in bed since Tuesday. I feigned illness to dp but I wasn't ill. I think I'm maybe anxious, can that leave me in bed for a week?

I'm juggling a lot just now, am I just lazy?

I should go to the gp yes? But what do I say to them? I've been before and they've just asked what I want to do and I say stay in bed and then then nothing.

I panicked once and told my friend I was sucidal (I definitely was) and they took me to the gp who made me explain exactly how I was going to do it. But I didn't cause then, obviously I couldn't do it. She or he gave me some blue pills , 4 of and that was that.

Obviously I didn't do anything but that period fucked me up and I boxed it shut. Writing it here has made me sick.

So how do I ask for help? I'm on thin ice work and college wise, they want explanations.

I'm reaching out here, but I don't think I can say the words out loud. Wouldn't it be great if we could just text the gp!
Thanks in advance.

Anxiety can leave you bed ridden. You aren't the first and you won't be the last!

You need a Med 10 from the GP asap.

Could you write how you are feeling down and take it to the doctors with you? That way you can read it out instead of having to think about what you are saying. If that would still be too difficult you could write it down, go to the doctor and say that you are finding it difficult to talk about so you've written it down for them and let them read it?

I loose motivation to do anything but stay in bed when my depression is bad. You aren't lazy, as you say you are juggling a lot and sometimes things build up till it's too much.

hope you can get some help quickly, it's awful when your head keeps you in bed but you certainly aren't alone if it is any help.

What's a med 10? Sorry to pester but the thought of asking for help is keeping me from sleeping.

i honestly can't imagine getting up and dressed ever again (so dramatic). But last week I was managing massive business meetings and meeting deadlines.

I'm really scared of "proving" I'm not well. those bloody scale of 1-10 forms. Not brilliant when I'm bloody petrified of drawing attention.

Can it affect memory too?

Not dramatic at all I completely understand where you are coming from. A few months ago I actually got signed off work sick for three weeks because I literally couldn't face getting out of my bed and showering let alone working. The doctors lovely though and changed my meds and I was a lot better within a week or two.

Please don't feel like you are drawing attention, you are asking for help, privately in a situation where the only person who knows is your GP themselves. It's hardly like you are walking down the street shouting it down a tannoy at passers by that would be drawing attention

As for your memory anxiety and depression can definitely both have a negative impact on your memory.
There's a leaflet on the mind website (in pdf form) about mental health problems, the different types and how to ask for help if you would like a link?

Yes please love. Last time I had to explain to (what felt like) loads of people. And they made a massive fuss of having to tell my sucide plan to everyone. And then nothing happened.

It happens every so often but then it passes. I just think I need it to not happen anymore. Especially as it wipes all my confidence.

And why does staying in bed make you so tired?

mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/mental-health-problems-introduction/about-mental-health-problems/?o=6289

Sorry I can't do short links on my phone.

Definitely say you are struggling with talking about it, they should be far more delicate than it sounds like they were, although they will ask a lot of questions. If nothing happens phone them and chase it up, don't be afraid to make a fuss. I know it's hard, and if you are anything like me you feel a pest for doing so, but something my psychiatrist has taught me is that we all 100% have the right to live without feeling like that!

I think staying in bed makes you tired because you aren't doing anything, meaning you aren't tired and don't sleep well at night, then you're tired and nap in the day, and its a vicious cycle.

I have to be up early in the morning but I'll be around then, just been up for a night feed. Please stay safe tonight and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to but want to do it a bit more privately, I'll get back to you as fast as I can.

Thank you. I hope I can face up to it tomorrow.

Hi Noni

You're absolutely not attention seeking. It sounds like you're possibly quite unwell at the moment so asking for help is the right thing to do.

I know what you mean about the 1-10 forms, they're a means to an end though, it's not about proving you're unwell it's just about gauging where you are with things so they can track progress. Don't give them too much thought, don't agonise on each question, just give a gut response and move on.

I use an app on my phone called WhatsMyM3 which screens/monitors scores for anxiety/depression. It's helped me objectively see that I did need to ask for help, and to judge how I am getting on - that I was coping better even when I didn't feel like I was, and conversely that it was worth going back with renewed concerns when I wasn't.

In your shoes I'd advise trying to get an emergency GP appointment today. Just phone as soon as you can when you wake up. You don't have to say too much - that you need to see a doctor today, it is a mental health emergency and you have had suicidal ideation. Please don't feel pressured to explain yourself any further to the receptionist. Just repeat and emphasise that you need an emergency appointment today, accept a phone call if that's all they can offer. Write things down before the appointment so you know what you want to get across to the doctor.

Have you told your DP how you're feeling now - can he help you with making the call/appointment? You can leave out the bit about suicidal thoughts when talking to DP if you need to.

Once the GP has given you a sick note for a few weeks - it can just say 'stress' or whatever and work/college have no right to know any more than that - you can begin to take time to understand what's happening and what you need to heal.

Keep posting also if texting is the medium that's easiest for you, you can text the Samaritans on 07725909090 for support whilst you're going through this.

Just to say I hope you manage to get a GP appointment today and get some help

Ooh I like the idea of an all to monitor mood and anxiety, munchkin DH and I used to use a paper mood diary, but drawing the grid out each time tends to put me off.

OP anxiety and depression and stress can render us completely unable to function. I had 3 months off work the end of last year and am 3 months into a phased return but not back to full duties of hours yet. At my worst point I couldn't concentrate for long enough to make a cup of tea. And my memory was shocking, like a goldfish.

The good news is that your GP can help, and may be able to give you sicknotes for school and college. I had depression in my final year at uni and my GP wrote a letter to the exam board asking them to take it into consideration. It does get better.

How's today been, Noni?

Sorry for no update. I couldn't get a dr appointment yesterday which isn't unusual, the receptionist wouldn't budge about no appointments, I think cause I wouldn't take the next available which was next week.

My dp is going to phone this morning and hopefully be a bit more successful. He's a problem solver and after a long, weepy conversation he thinks I should ditch college and work. Its coming from a good place but it's not what I want to do.

The rest of yesterday was spent with dm trying to help (I haven't told her I wasn't ill). It was awful and I haven't slept for worrying about her turning up today with more nasal sprays.

Gp opens at 8 so I'm hopeful, i think.

Well done for talking things through with your DP. He's entitled to make suggestions but hopefully will respect your autonomy and remain supportive if you decide otherwise.

Good luck on the phone today - and also well done for sticking to your guns not accepting an appointment next week. That would be saying this isn't urgent - it is urgent.

Let us know how you get on

In the waiting room now, it's with a gp I don't like. Smug and patronising. I really really am struggling to stay. I will.

Thanks for all your help, got me this far.

When I have struggled I have written it down and just handed the GP my phone to read. A good GP will then take over from there.

Good luck. You are being brave.

Thanks all the advice. The gp decided I have flu and that's probably why I feel like I can't cope.

In his defence I do have tonsillitis and it's pretty obvious. In my defence I get it all the time, and manage it at home (per gp instructions).

He's signed me off for a week because of the flu and basically told me to stop making things worse than they are.

I know there are good gps out there but why do I always run into these ones when i ask for help?

Or is that something they are supposed to do? Genuinely is it like if you bother to go to a few appointments you probably are not well?

This morning I shouted at the cat because he was miaowing for his breakfast and I couldn't work out the difference between the cat food and the dog food. Then I got onto the floor and apologised fo being cross while feeding him ham. As stressed as I am even I know thats not healthy behaviour.

A lot of what you describe eg not being able to tell the difference between dog and cat food sounds so much like me when I've been poorly this last time. Its good you have a sick note this week, see if you can get an appointment with a more MH friendly GP and keep talking to your DP so he can support you too.

This should probably be my last post. I'm so greatful for your support anonymous internet people.

I have a sick note for a week that says flu on it and i feel like a fraud. DP does want to help but he's pretty practical of thought, so wants to she if the dr was right and see where we are in a week.

the gp asked if I had been on pills before (actual words because I thought he was asking about recreational drugs) I said no but I have remembered getting beta blockers. I only took them for a few days because my dm found them and flipped because I have low blood pressure. So that was the end of that.

I wish I hadn't gone today. Because I'm no further forward but the "flu" will be passed in a week. There is a reasonably sympathetic tutor at college famous for inability to deal with upset women so i for see a torturous meeting.

That all sounds snarky, it's not meant to be.

You don't sound like you have flu.

Don't make it your last post, there is some very wise posters on the MH board who can help you.

Can you explain the cat/dog food thing more? Were you struggling to read the labels or struggling to work out what food went where?

I was psyching myself up to go the doctor, so had a shower got dressed etc etc. Couldn't phone the dr till 8 so was trying desperately to stay on my feet. Also I've done literally nothing at home for a week so I thought I could feed the cat while DP did everything else.

The cat is pretty vocal so was distracting me. We keep the pet food all together so I opened the cupboard. I couldn't work out what happened next. The cat gets pouches and the dog dry biscuits. They have a picture of a cat on the cat food and a dog on the dog food. The cat was getting more and more insistent and I didn't know what to do next.

I screamed like a banshee at the cat, I can't remember what I said. Then burst into tears and sat on the floor to say sorry. The cat is pretty chilled and I was still holding the food so was quite happy to get fussed. I apologised into his fur but i know I was really talking to my ds if you know what I mean.

It was trying to get the the damn doctor. It's so hard to go against what your body is telling you and say stuff out loud that i never admit. And I knew the dr wasn't going to believe me.

If I was you (and I have been in the past) I'd book an appointment again tomorrow with a different doctor and get a second opinion.

I'm not slagging GP's off but they are a jack of all trades, they have a lot of knowledge but it's spread in every field. Depending on your surgery they may have a GP who has worked previous in the MH field it's probably worth asking. If not you can ask for a referral to the local mental health team.

MH issues are shit, a lot of the time they need treatment whether it be CBT, therapy or tablets.

The cat food definately sounds like me when I was poorly this time, my brain just refused to work properly. The day I went off sick from work I got to work and couldn't remember how to use a computer system I've used for years, then later that day I got stuck in the kitchen and couldn't work out how to get out. Sounds like a similar sort of thing where there were a few things I knew I needed to do, (switch the oven off, lput my coat and shoes on and go to the loo) and I just couldn't work out what to do first. To me thats a sign of extreme stress and a complete mental break down (I know thats not a medically recognised state any more).

I'm 6 months on now and much much better, but my cognitive function has not returned to normal yet. I had 3 months off sick, ADs, councelling, psychology, nlp therapy, and most importantly, lots of rest. I agree you need to ask for a second opinion with a different GP. Stress can do funny things to us, though having tonsilitis probably doesn't help either. Its just awful, when you haven't got any fight left in you to have to fight to see a sympathetic GP.