Help with dealing with DD's depression

[Hassled]

My 17 year old DD has been diagnosed as depressed and put on Fluoxeten (sp?), with cognitive behavioural therapy to follow. She's been very unhappy for a long time and I'm really proud of her for admitting that she has problems and taking action. We're close, but in volatile mother/teenage daughter sort of way - one minute she's my best friend, the next we're yelling at each other about ridiculous things. My question is - how do I handle her now? She spends hours in bed or playing Freecell on the computer - and I know she's just brooding and getting herself worked up. Meanwhile she has A Levels this summer and my instincts are that if she cracked on with coursework/revision it would at least give her something else to think about. I don't know whether to be nagging her or to just let her sit and brood. Most days she says she's not up to going into school so if she doesn't study at home the A Levels will be failed anyway, which won't help the depression. Or should she just abandon Year 13 and retake A levels when/if she wants to? Sorry to be rambling but I am really out of my depth and need advice. With my little ones I can always "kiss them better" - with DD there's nothing I can do and I hate this feeling of uselessness.

Thank you so much for replying - it's great to know of someone who's been through it. Re Freecell - it hadn't occurred to me she might be using it to block out unwelcome thoughts. Re exercise - I've tried and tried (she's overweight and hates it, but eats for comfort) but she won't come swimming with me or even walk up to the school with me when I pick up the younger kids. So most days she doesn't leave the house. She does have some good friends who are being supportive, at least. Anyway - thank you for the advice - it's given me a much better idea of what I should be doing.

I used to teach at a tutorial college- students would come and study for A levels in a year, or 2 years. (sometimes a term- but generally that was retakes- one student did an A level from scratch in 2 terms, and got a C which I thought was very impresive- no background in the subject at all).

Anyway point being A levels don't have to be done in 6th form or life is a failure iyswim. I'd have a talk to her and see whether there's anything she'd rather do than A levels right now. If she;s up to going away learning a foreign language sounds brilliant, if not something closer to home- hands on volunteering for example.

Good luck, but don't feel afraid to think outside the box re A levels. I've seen students do A levels later and go on to be very happy and successful. Much better than struggling wiith A levels and depression.

Just read thread properly- learning a foreigh language sounds too ambitious (I was thinking traveling, but sounds like she needs you atm), but maybe some hands on volunteering with vulnerable groups, or conservation or something. Maybe something very part time to begin with?

I do feel I need to talk to someone like MIND because I'm tiptoeing around her at the moment and it will damage our "normal" relationship. We had one of our standard ridiculous arguments about her nicking my hairbrush the other night and part way through I just apologised and stopped, thinking it wasn't appropriate or fair (I know I was right! Normally I would have argued the toss - sounds pathetic but it's how we work) - and she seemed almost disappointed so probably I should have just kept things normal and continued to argue. This all sounds very disfunctional ("normally in an evening my DD and I shout at each other about hairbrushes"!)but it is standard for us, and I'm scared our closeness will go if things like that change.

I've cared for my partner, who has schizophrenia for 13 years.

He also gets depressed when his illness rears its ugly head!

Most of the time he can be like anyone else and you would'nt know he had an illness,

When he gets really bad though, i treat him like a child.

May sound awful to som of you, but it really works.

I ignore the stupid things he says and does and give lots of praise for anything positive that he achieves.

As for the moping around this may be best ignored until your daughter has been on her medication for 2-3 weeks.

Meds will take effect by then and she may start to have more enthusiasm for life.

DO NOT tell her to 'SNAP OUT OF IT', or 'TO PULL HERSELF TOGETHER' as this is the worst thing to say to anyone who's depressed. Can make them feel much worse.