What's wrong with me? Self esteem non existent

[kennycat]

I'm not sure what to do but I need to do something,

I spend about 50% of my waking hours at the moment on the verge of tears. I'm super snappy and irratable and just feel utterly useless at everything I do, particularly parenting but it extends to everything really.

My husband is basically walking on eggshells around me and I don't know how much longer he can put up with me for.

I went to a training event this morning which made me feel utterly utterly useless. Got home and MIL was just leaving my house. She wished me a happy birthday for tomorrow and I practically barged past her to get in, run to my room and cry. So now she must think I'm a loon too.

I'm so down on my children and I can't cope with their behaviour (especially the four year old) which is just average for their age in truth.

I don't really have any friends and those that I do I tend to avoid a bit currently. My acne is at a pretty bad level right now so don't want to see people.

Sorry that was long. I could have gone on and on but what's the point?

I need some help but I don't know who, how and what.

Anyone got any ideas?!

Once I eventually cry I generally feel better (or numb actually) for a few days then the whole process starts again.

Hi everything you have said is exactly the same how I'm
Feeling too . Iv always been like this tho . Ever since a teen . I have a good few days but then back to hating everything about myself and just avoiding everyone , don't really know what to say I just want you to know you are not alone ❤️ xxx

kenny it sounds like a trip to your GP would be a good idea. What you describe sounds a lot like depression and, there is help for that available. Tell your GP what you have told us here.

OP I feel like this but pre-menstrually and mid cycle. Could your feelings be hormone linked? Maybe you have a hormone imbalance of some sort? The best thing to do would be to see your GP, explain EVERYTHING and see what they can do for you. I'm sure they will do blood tests to rule things out such as thyroid problems and my doctor did a questionnaire with me to consider depression. Otherwise things like meditation, exercise and good diet can help mood and are worth a go if it's affecting your life that much.
With regards to the kids behaviour I can really recommend a book called "calm parents happy kids" which gives you ideas of how to deal with challenging behaviour at different ages. The key is to remain calm! Not always possible but if you can understand the reasons for the behaviour (which the book goes into) and empathise then it's easier to deal with it. Well that's what I found anyway. Good luck

OP I've just read another thread about vitamin D deficiency causing depression and anxiety. May be worth them checking that in your blood test too. I think you might need to ask specifically for that.

My GP didn't check vit D levels initially, it was when I told her that the ADs were helping but I just felt tired all the time, she checked loads of stuff and it flagged up the low vit D. By that point the only things I was scoring for on the depression questionairre were arround sleep and tiredness, which I was blaming on drowsiness from the ADs. Wonder what difference starting vit D sooner might have made.

OP how long have you felt like this? Has something triggered it? it does sound like depression. Your best bet would be to go to th Gp and see what they can offer you- Therapy etc. They see stuff like this all the time so don't feel uncomfortable in telling them exactly how you're feeling.