Think I may just be feeling sorry for myself - please come and give me a virtual kick up the bum.

[MillyM]

I swore I'd never start a thread in this topic as I know I 'get down' a lot but I've never considered it to be depression or anywhere near it before. Right now though I just need to scream and I can't think where else to pop this so please forgive me.
I find myself sat here tonight feeling so very, very sad. I'm barely 7 weeks pg and have had somelight bleeding (some at 5 weeks and some tonight)I know it's very early days and a miscarriage is possible / probable here but I'd pinned my hopes on this baby surviving. I feel awful posting this but here goes. . . If I have this baby then I'd be due October, which would mean I could leave work at a very useful time. I hate my job, I mean literally hate it. I feel sick at the thought of going and I seriously think it's making me ill. This leaves me with the worry that I'm desparate to have this baby simply so I can get out of work and that is a shaming and awful thought. I really want this baby for its own sake obviously but feel terible that the other reason has even crossed my mind. I really can't face going into work tomorrow, I want to cry and lock myself in the bedroom till everything is better. What on earth can I do?
Sorry - tirade over.

Aww poor you. I am feeling awful tonight too, though for completely different reasons.

There is no shame in wanting the baby to get out of a horrible job. I was the same too when I had my ds1. Obviously, it isn't the only reason you are having a baby, as it wasn't the only reason for me, but if it gets you out of the job, hey! all well and good!

Don't cry. It won't be good for the little one in you, but if you fancy a day off tomorrow to rest and make yourself feel better, then take it, why don't you? People take sickies every day of the week and it sounds as though you have as much reason as anyone else to have one tomorrow.

Now about the bleeding? I don't have much experience here, but I understand it is possible to have bleeding and still proceed with a normal pregnancy. Is there much blood? What colour is it? red or brown? I suppose you might be too early on in the pregnancy to be able to go to hospital for a reassuring scan but have you at least booked in with your MW yet?

First thing is you dont go in to work tommorrow ,call in sick,you are pregnant and bleeding.Bleeding in early pregancy wont always result in a miscarrige,i bled on/off throughout my 1st pregnancy and dd1 was fine.
Sorry you are feeling like this
Can you look for another job or work from home?

Aww Califrau, a little sympathy here please. Poor Milly sounds really fed up.

Meant to ask you Milly, do you have any pregnancy symptoms like sore boobs or morning sickness or anything? If so, take comfort from that.

Thank you guys (C'frau, it did make me smile!)
Bleeding has been very pale pink, cramps feel just like when AF starts. I have my first midwife appointment next thursday.
Work is complex, I could look for another job but I want a baby soon and don't want to get in the situation where I start a new job then announce I'm off on maternity.
DDG one of the worrying things throughout has been my lack of pregnancy symptoms.
The thought of pulling a sickie is a good one atm.

Look, pull the sickie. Decide that now so you can relax on that front for the rest of the evening. Pelvicfloornomore is absolutely right: you are pregnant and you are bleeding. Any book I have read on the subject says you should rst in those circumstances. So you are not pulling a sickie, you are having a legitimate day off work. Of course, I imagine you won't tell them the real reason you are off work but that is fine too. They don't have any right/need to know yet.

I wouldn't necessarily worry about the lack of symptoms either. I have had 4 babies and never experienced morning sickness and not much in the way of other symptoms early on either. I used to get prominent veins on my boobs but that was about it. I just thought if you had symptoms, that might reassure you. But don't think that no symptoms is necessarily a bad thing.

All I can suggest is that you rest fully tomorrow - treat yourslef to a lovely lazy day, and hope the bleeding holds off.

Good idea, I'll pull the sickie and try to relax. Doesn't help that it's a stressful job with no hope of ever sitting down.
Thank you for speaking sense to me. x

Good luck.

MillyM- take the sick leave .
The only pregancy symtom i had with dd1 was the bleeding which i even had running out when i was in labour.I was given an internal scan when i first began to bleed when i was approx 5 weeks,so it may be worth asking your gp to refer you for a scan just reassure you.

Thank you, yes, think I'll ring the doctor again tomorrow, I don't think I can wait over a week to see the midwife - was going to ty and ask her for an early scan anyway. Fingers crossed.

Hi MillyM how are thing's today?

Hi pelvic, no more bleeding so far but somequite nasty lower abdo pains last night. Been to see our nurse practitioner this morning and she's booked me in for a scan tomorrow. Feel sick with worry but I suppose at least i'll get some answers. Thank you for being there.

Oh good luck for tommorrow ,let us know how you get on.
keeping fingers crossed for you.

Hi Milly I also had lots of episodes of bleeding with DS, had a scan at 8wks and felt better (until the next episode), keep talking to the midwife. Don't be hard on yourself and don't try to plan too far ahead. Take sick leave when you need to, everyone else does.

Thinking of you Milly

Hi Pelvic, Don't know if you've read any of the other threads but if not here's a synopsis!
Went for the scan and they discovered I'd got a cyst on my right ovary (this accounts for some of the pains!). Also able to see a tiny baked bean of a thing with a little heartbeat (sonographer could see the heartbeat, i couldn't but I presume she's more trained to spot these things than me!). They didn't seem worried, said I was about 6+5, which means I'm still only 7+2 now - very early days but they don't want to see me again until my 12 week scan so I'm choosing to take that as a good sign. Thanks for checking in - sorry I didn't fill you in earlier. x

Hi, I had bleeding with DD from the moment I had a BFP. I went for a scan at 6 weeks and they confirmed there was a little beany, heart beating but they could not explain the bleeding. The bleeding continued and I had sore belly aswell. Dreaded going to the toilet ( I'd suffered a miscarriage before, so I too was desparate to keep baby). Anyhow, went for another scan at 10 weeks due to lot of bleeding and all ok again. But this time the sonographer mentioned that she could see where I'd been bleeding from (almost like a weak spot in the womb). I'm trying to recall when bleeding finally stopped.. think it wasn't long after that. Maybe because I could relax as I kind of then knew the cause of bleeds? DD is now a healthy 9 months old! Ps. I had no pregnancy symptons either, then eventually had tingly boobs only occasionally at night when I went for a wee!
Hope this is a bit of reassurance for youxx

No i didn't read the other threads so thanks for letting me know.
Great news
Obviously i refer to your baby and not the cyst,lol.

Thank you Pelvic
Scribbly, thank you, that is reassuring. When you're in the situation it feels like you're the only person who has ever gone through it doesn't it? It really helps to hear positive stories