I feel completely overwhelmed.
I have a theory test coming up, this is my 5th try. The first two I failed and the second two I got the appointments mixed up and went on the wrong days. I told everyone (family) I passed on the last one to get them off my back. Now I am being pressured to book my practical, I have studied everyday for the last month in between looking after 2 kids a dog and doing uni work but I keep failing the mock tests. I know how to drive and I think I will ace my practical but as per I cannot get past the theory side of things. My anxiety gets the better of me, there is so much information to remember, I've been having panic attacks all week thinking about it. I am on 150g of sertaline which doesn't touch my anxiety when I have something like a test.
On the face of it I'm just this lazy woman who can't or won't get my driving licence, even before my partner used to say horrible things to me about my laziness, missing appointments, tests and just general idiocy but now he understands me and reads up on why I am this way but no one else would do that, so I don't think they will ever understand that I really want to do things but mentally cannot.
A few things teachers said in school reports
Try harder
Listen more
Concentrate and don't day dream
insert name can do much better if she applies herself
A distraction to the class
Now I'm thinking if only they knew how much I was struggling, oh how I wanted so badly to learn but after countless times being knocked back I just gave up. Now I am still the same but now I have my loan to think about also (uni was an impulsive decision believe it or not) and the fact that I need my driving licence.
Thank you if you read this far and I'm sorry if I keep jumping from one thing to another, it's really hard to keep my trail of thought especially for something this long. I could write for hours on end but I am sure no one cares.