DD Mental Health Issues

[Evenstar]

My DD was diagnosed with depression around 2 years ago, I believe she did have depression before that following her father's death when she was 15. She refused counselling at that time, but agreed to it last year, since then she has made statements about things that happened when her father was alive which are without foundation e.g, saying he was violent towards me which is not the case. Her perception is totally different to mine and her two brothers which is very upsetting to all of us. He was difficult and controlling, but it is almost as if she is completely rewriting history.

I have remarried and her most recent allegation is that I hate my youngest stepson, I have known him since he was small and think of him as my own son. She has stopped taking her antidepressants but is still seeing her counsellor. I feel this is now enabling her in rewriting the past as is her new boyfriend who believes everything she says.

My brother is paying for her counselling, I don't whether I should discuss this with him, or go and see her. Any perspectives would be very welcome.

I think that the important fact here is that these are her perceptions and feelings, and as so they are valid things for her to be exploring with her councellor. Even if they are different from your own perceptions.

I love my parents and they were generally good parents, but I found in councelling in my early 20s when I had depression, that parental issues came up. I went through a stage where I felt quite angry toward them for certain things, but that has passed as I've accepted they did their best.

One of the very real problems with depression is that your perception changes and you see things differently. Thus what you acknowledge as a controling and difficult is actually violence from her perspective. And of course the same with stepson.

Understanding what is happening in her mind is the easy bit. Addressing it and helping her come back to a more real perception is the hard work bit. A good start to is to find out if she think she is through the depression and no longer need her meds? Or does she recognise she is still ill but has stopped taking the meds because she doesn't get on with them?

Do bear in mind that whilst she is ill, it is quite likely she actually thinks everything is just fine and it's the rest of the world that is behaving odd. That comes from personal experience.

Thank you for your replies, I have had episodes of depression and been through counselling myself, I think what I am struggling with is the fact she is presenting her own version of the truth. When I have been depressed I have been very aware that the way I was thinking wasn't right, I wouldn't have wanted to upset other people by saying things like this.

I find it hard too as my late MIL was a very difficult woman who constantly presented her own version of the truth and even if several other people said that her recollection was not what had been said or happened she would never back down.

In answer to your question about the medication she stopped taking it before Christmas as she had run out and decided to try without it.

Meds to someone with depression are like insulin to a diabetic. You feel almost normal for as long as you are taking them. But you only feel normal(ish) because you are medicated.

The fact she is now showing signs of altered perception of events seems to show she is far from being through her illness. Have you considered asking her to come here? If so you should ask MNHQ to delete this thread in advance.

Another view would be that she has only ever viewed her father through the eyes of a child. What you percieve as 'difficult and conttrolling' she percieves as abusive or violent. That was her experience and her reality, even if it wasn't yours or your sons. Invalidating that is not helpful to her. She is working through this in therapy, let her continue to do this. As for the medication if you are concerned her mood is slipping again then maybe gently mention this to her, we often can't see this clearly ourselves, or she may have got to the point she doesn't need it anymore. For me the average length of time I've taken ADs for has been 18 months, then Ive managed fine for years inbetween.

She is really lucky to have your brother paying for her councelling, so that she has it as long as she needs it rather than a limited number of sessions.

Thanks for your replies, I have spoken to her brothers and I have said I will have a chat with her. I have no wish to invalidate her feelings, but despite that I think she must start to consider other people's feelings and perhaps agree to differ with her brothers and not keep bringing it up. My younger son has high functioning autism and he is finding it particularly hard.

I will also plan to go up and visit her soon so I can see how things are. I think the counselling has helped, but wonder if it is really helping her to move forward, I know myself that you reach a point when you are going over the same things again and it has been almost a year now.

How old is she now- if she is an adult I would really try to leave her to it and not compare with your own experience.
Maybe instead, speak to her brothers and explain she is going through a hard time, and that you will have to agree to disagree for the time being.
I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, just in therapy you need to have the freedom to feel the things you feel, and then work through it in trust with the therapist. It's ok to be angry with your parents and it's better for these feelings to be worked through now, in the hope that there will be a more settled future.