Struggling more than ever, and I don't even know why!

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I've always had depression and anxiety. From sometime in high school is the earliest time I can remember.

I take medication for this. And mostly it works. But I get into this cycle of managing okay for a good while.. and the suddenly without warning it all falls apart.

I am currently suffering with feeling exhausted, useless, a failure, ugly, stupid. I have no motivation to do anything and feel I have nothing to look forward to in life.

I'm shutting myself away from everyone because that's just how I cope. I just want to spend my life in bed sleeping. Nothing interests me currently and I am not sure how to get out of how I am currently feeling.

It seems to becoming more often during evenings and weekends. I work full time and when at work I'm distracted and seem to manage fine.
But once home I just sink.

Sorry I am just waffling now.

Not even sure what I'm asking tbh..

Hi,

Have you ever had any councelling or therapy alongside the meds, to look at underlying causes?

I have had therapy, but I also went to university and trained to be a counsellor so I'm very good at self managing. Seeing an actually therapist doesn't help me because they do what I do myself to manage.

I already know the underlying causes I think. It's just not something I seem to be able to move on from.

And sometimes everything can be going really well in my life. I'll be happy. And it will just hit me from no where for no reason at all.

I have trained in nlp ( neurolinguistic programming ) something that was truely life changing. I am also good at self managing, but sometines a tune up with a therapist is what I need. Kind of like a chiropractor with back pain can self manage to a certain point, but can't crack their own back.

Thank you. I'll look into prices for private CBT locally. As NHS waiting lists are huge and the waiting time I think is at least a year.