Help needed - (Thread title edited by MNHQ)

[JingleHellRock]

This is never talked about and even my CPN doesn't help when I ask for help.

Winstons wish is a charity for families battling cancer and includes a leaflet on explaining cancer and if a parent has a terminal illness. I've saved it, but it'd be helpful if there was the same help for families with a parent/loved one with a mental illness.

I'm fairly resigned to the fact this will kill me, having lost two very (very) close people to me to suicide. I love my children and I don't want them to think I didn't love them or that it was their fault- I want there to be some kind of family support when a parent has a possible fatal mental illness, after all suicide is a huge huge killer, one of the top reasons for death.

I didn't always feel suicide was a predecided path- I stopped lithium the first week of November last year and became ill.

The level of ignorance regarding mental health on this thread is totally baffling.

I'm not going to go kill myself right now, but I'm worried that it is an eventuality as I have been close before, and like someone with a potentially fatal illness I want to try protect my children. I'm sorry that makes me self absorbed and selfish.

I am taking an anti depressant, a mood stabiliser and PRN diazepam too. I was stable on lithium but had to come off it for my own reasons.

I should leave this. But thank you for telling me I shouldn't have had my (gorgeous, happy, clever and kind) children, and I am self absorbed for choosing to have an illness that causes a complete lack of insight and rational thought. I'll try to control the delusions and choose to not have mania and depression.

In the meantime why not contact mind and recommend they tell anyone with a mental illness not to have children.

And fine I'll just leave my family. That'll help. Nobody looks for missing people with a severe mental illness diagnosis.

Fucks sake.

I asked you a kind question from someone with a five stone tumour crushing my lungs. Please don't refer to me as a nazi. I feel for your children as I feel for my own.

Not the first person to say people with mental illnesses shouldn't have children

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_eugenics

wannabe how in the world was your question kind? There are a lot of ways to describe it, including "blunt" and "thoughtless" but kind isn't it.

OP, I hope you find the strenghth to keep going. Kids are exhausting in the best of circumstances! Nothing wrong with some TV or computer downtime if you need a break, no idea of your circumstances but don't try to be Supermum.

Do you journal any of your experiences? It's never worked for me, but it might be a way for your kids to see some of your struggle, whichever way it goes.

Good luck.

I know where you are coming,although I don' t know if you can ever really prepare for it or minimise the pain.
I lost my dad to suicide and similar to what you are saying we knew for 6 years it was likely to happen. He sadly had no where near the support you have, so that is a positive for you.
However even knowing it would come it hasn't helped. The pain anger and guilt are all consuming and it's not getting easier.
I really hope your children never need to experience this I really hope your support helps and you get to a different place a better place
I really think mental health is over looked I used to this think how could he do this but I do now realise that he really wasn't well.

Thank you both. I have asked for the thread to be deleted, I have to try sleep as need to be at work for 8am and lack of sleep is a big trigger.

Thank you to the kind people who have tried to help.

I hope you manage to get some sleep
Lots of us will always listen if you need an ear. Ignore the others

I hope you manage to get some sleep
Lots of us will always listen if you need an ear. Ignore the others

Thank you. Just feeling upset now I've taken the diazepam and the adrenaline is going away.

I feel like a total idiot shithead, which makes me suicidal, which leads to the nastiness above, which makes me feel worse...

Fed up. I have a wonderful life, the only thing wrong with it is me.

You are ill though. You don't choose to be like this.
Hopefully they can sort your mess to stabilise you a bit but really do not get down on yourself. You cannot help it.
It's taken me a year to realise my dad coudn't help it either

Meds not mess

I really didn't mean it in a 'thoughtless' way. I am sorry if I upset you.

Huge hugs to you OP, I've been stunned by the level of ignorance shown in some posts. It sounds like you have a really good support network and I hope they can sort your meds so that you can have some stability again soon. When my DH is poorly he is sometimes suicidal, I used to worry about this a lot, but I think now I have come to a point where I accept that it is a possibility and I know that I do everything that I can to support him, therefore if it happens it won't be my fault. I hope it never comes to it, and I know if it did I would be devistated, as I would be by any other cause. I think for me that the thing that has helped the most is seeing his illness as a seperate entity from him. I can get angry at or upset with the illness, not with him. Maybe this would help the kids to cope with their feelings, whenever your illness causes upset to the family (this could be anything from Mummy saying strange things, or Mummy having to go to hospital not limited to the extreme of suicide)

I agree with differents analagy of the heart attack. You can know that someone has a heart condition, you can learn first aid and how to handle an emergency. But nothing can prepare you for a fatal heart attack. It is different from terminal cancer where the course of the disease is more predictable and the end inevitable. I think talking to the kids about suicide would just scare them, and not prepare them. I think the best thing you can do is to help them to grow into emotionally strong and confident people. To help them understand that your illness is not you and it is ok to be angry with the illness or upset about it. Let them know its okay to talk about it too and how they feel about it. Help them understand in an age appropriate way, such as Mummy sometimes has nightmares when she is awake, which can make her do strange things.

And just keep letting your kids know you love them. I hope you get some stability soon.

Thank you that is a wonderful post.

I wasn't drinking or anything last night, I just go a bit wild. Feeling calmer today x

Glad today is calmer for you

Poo,
To my fellow manic depressive... I understand where you are coming from. I have often had the "wtf did I do that" bit after realising I was being way over the top. And people aroind me thinking I am being self indulgent, unreasonable, demanding, angry.

But we are in good company. Indeed many of the best loved performers and creative people are fellow manic depressives. Indeed Winston Churchill knew his black dog days all to well. Princess Lea was a manic drepressive as is Stephan Fry and Spike Milligan. (Ok I am showing my age there).

If you can recognise the manic phases and hold a candle during the dark moments you will come out into the daylight again.