What is this feeling?

[springyflowers]

For the last week or so I have had this constant low empty feeling in the pit of my stomach from first thing in the morning till last thing at night.
It feels very heavy and low, just like how I feel. It's a very physical sensation.
I also feel like a robot, slowly but surely getting about my day doing the bare minimum I need to get through and it's like wading through mud.
I almost don't really feel like I'm 'here' really. I feel tired and quite detached and just go through the motions. No one would know anything was wrong though as I put on a good act of pretending everything's fine. I come across quite calm I think.
I have strong feelings of shame and regret that wash over me at various times of the day, this can be triggered by the smallest of things. This makes the feeling in my stomach worse often to the point where I have to stop what I'm doing and sit it out until it dies down. But it never goes completely.
I have had this before I tend to get episodes.
Wondered if anyone identified with this?

These are all classic signs of depression

Please go to see your GP.

Yep. Depression. Functioning. Wading through treacle. Detached and robotic. Totally was depression for me. I thought it couldn't be. I didn't feel sad. I had nothing to be depressed about. But yep I was depressed.

Yes, totally sounds like depression. There is a lot that can be done to help. GP first stop.

Hi, sorry to hear you're feeling like this - sounds horrid.

Might also be worth getting checked out for an under active thyroid. Before I was diagnosed and treated it was physically difficult to move around and I certainly felt like I was wading through mud. It can also cause depression. Hope it gets sorted 💐

Thank you all for your replies.
Yes this does make sense.
I have been on Prozac before for PND but it felt different then, I can't really remember.
Also I have felt like this a lot in my life so it kind of feels like normal. I can't quite work out if there is something wrong with me. I thought I was getting better.
I'm going through a lot in my life at the moment maybe I should ask my doctor to go back on the Prozac it did help before.

Def get checked out. I also had very low vitamin D - I can't believe the difference it has made now my levels are up - get your dr to do bloods incl thyroid and maybe Prozac too.

It will get better

Thank you x

It just feels so awful it's getting worse and worse even though I'm trying to keep going

I'll get an appointment with my doctor it definitely needs addressing

Hi OP I have as depression since being a little girl (I'm currently on 40mg of citalopram and have been for the past 11 years) one of my first realisations/memories of "the feeling" was similar to what you describe, a feeling of guilt, like I'd done something terribly terribly wrong, I think I was about 9.

Although I've had more than my fair share of knocks and hard times, I experienced those feelings before anything major happened in my life.

I firmly believe that for many (not all) people depression is caused by the levels of seratonin our brain produces, for me I just think it's how I'm wired and the pills enable me to live a 'normal' existence.

My meds increase the levels of seratonin in my brain thus enabling me to experience the happiness in my life; as opposed to only ever seeing the dark side to life - feeling low, pessimistic, hopeless, etc. It took me a long long time to come to this realisation, I spent my teens and my early twenties in a self - destructive, reckles state tbh - trying counselling, cbt, natural remedies, meditation, courses, excersise etc etc etc.

I don't know if anything has happened recently to trigger these feelings for you?
Depression is so complex and unforgiving, like I've said, for some of us it just looms.

Is it vaguely similar to when you had PND? And, how did you get through it then? I've never taken Prozac so not sure of how long people are prescribed it...

Thank you for your reply rockingaround.
Yes I identify with that too- I remember feeling very low when I was a child probably from around the age of 11. I worried a lot and suffered the same feeling I have now in the pit of my stomach.
There is abuse and dysfunction in my family and I know this must be a contributing factor. I am also about to break away from my abusive ex.
I really think I need to address the issues I have because I keep getting these periods of feeling almost like I can't even put one foot in front of the other without huge effort.

I am sorry you experienced feeling this way

Thank you OP

I think sometimes counselling, CBT and other therapies can help some people, although for many it's just too much, too painful and something many are never ready for/able to do. One of the things that has helped me, is to abandon looking for a resolve, I got to the point where I didn't care why I felt like ill, I just needed to feel better. I found that searching and the going over of my life in therapy just made things worse - I had several therapists - I think I got the point where I thought, even if I understand why I feel like this, I'm still going to feel like this so how do I make it go away.

I initially started medication to give me a break from myself/the pain; with a view to get to the bottom of it when I felt stronger. 11 years on, I couldn't care if I never "work through" my issues and come to terms with why I have depression. It's quite an empowering place to be, I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with being on (the right) pills forever

You sound like there's a lot going on for you at the moment. There's obviously those awful memories from the experiences you've had, the feelings they conjur up which are made worse by the very present effects of the breakdown of a relationship.

One compounds the other, I'm terrible if faced with a difficult time, I group all of the bad things that have ever happened to me, along with my fears - together and become enveloped in all that sadness/hopelessness. (I think that's quite typical of a depressive thought process although I only know my experiences)

Id be so overwhelmed in your position, by what's happening with your partner, which is bound to dredge up a lot of other negative feelings you've had in the past and it all just piles up too high.

I would probably go and see the GP. Don't feel you have to pour your heart out, just tell him/her you have a good insight into your own mental health, you're having an excruciatingly difficult time and you're a mum and you need to feel better than you do.

If you want to try and see if meds can give you a break maybe? it's exhausting feeling as you are right now. I think it takes about 3 weeks for an ssri to take effect ...

Thank you rockingaround and everyone for your advice it's actually helped knowing it's depression I'm not sure why.
I just feel like my head is a mess and my thoughts are not normal. My mind just won't stop with analysing stuff and trying to work out the answers. I wish I could give myself a break!
Hopefully this will get better if I go back on Prozac for a bit.
I'm glad you are feeling better and you've found a way to manage things x

I keep trying to convince myself that I don't need Prozac again, I thought I was getting better. Been off them for ages.

I need to go back on them don't I.

I'm going through some big changes at the moment.
Perhaps I just need them until things are settled.
It's hard to have the strength and positivity at the moment to get myself through this difficult time.

There's no shame in needing them - whether it's for a little while or long while.

Do whatever YOU need to do - getting yourself strong, positive and getting your perceptions back in focus should be your priority. Eating well, exercise, sleep, medication can all help - the stronger you are mentally, the easier all the things you are going through will be.

Thank you Haggard for your reply, yes I know there is no shame I really do.
It's just that I feel like I'm being thrown back to square one as I managed to wean myself off them before and haven't considered taking them for nearly a year now.
I just wonder if I can try other ways.
But the mountain in front of me is very big and I'm doing it on my own.

But it's ok to be at square one. You've been here before and you can get better quicker because you know what works for you.

Sometimes depression is a one off and sometimes it's with you forever. You might be at square one again some time - don't feel like you're going backwards - that's just how it is sometimes.

You're right, and I have responsibilities , dc relying on me I have to be strong for them if that's means medication then that's what it'll be.

I know it's not just a bad day as it's been like this for weeks now.

@springyflowers how are you doing? Have you got an appointment with your doctor?

Hi Op, sorry ive only just caught up,haggard is right there's no shame at all. It's actually a strength to have insight into what you need at the moment and recognising that you need some support right now. Hope you're ok x