I saw the psychiatrist yesterday as everything has been getting too much. I have a diagnosis of depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder and have had that for a while.
I self harmed on Sunday for the first time in months and I've been getting lots of suicidal thoughts but I honestly don't think I'd act on them. I've not been sleeping well lately, I can't concentrate or focus on anything and I've been having lots of angry outbursts. I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment and we're working through trauma using EMDR therapy and I'm finding it really tough going. I'm not coping with work and have had so much time off recently and I feel so bad about that.
Psych wants to up my quetiapine to 150 mg (from 25 mg) and thinks that'll help wth my moods, anger and sleep. I went up to 50 mg yesterday as it's to go up slowly and I'm so exhausted today. He also said if I feel like harming again to call the crisis team and they can get me in and see if I need to stay in hospital or if I'd be allowed to go home. I feel thats very melodramatic. I've self harmed on and off for years and never once spoken to the crisis team.
I feel so rubbish today, very low mood, exhausted and I've barely done any work. I don't know what I want from this. I feel like I need support but I don't really know what that looks like and I've no idea how to deal with all these negative and overwhelming feelings 