Talk me through bipolar

[Questioningeverything]

On a day to day basis?
I've bipolar 1. The kind that makes you manic but also severe depression. I don't do outlandish stupid things but I spend money like it's going out of fashion, on stuff I really don't need.
I started my diagnosis with being keen to take the pills, to control it. But right now I'm at a place where I don't want to. It's my damn body, my damn health. I'm sick of being controlled by pills. And controlled I am. The sertraline isn't so bad. Kind of like that, helps me to not feel like killing myself. But the other meds I take to stop the mania make me feel awful. Sleepy, in a fug. I can't explain it properly, I just hate the bloody pills.
I wasn't diagnosed long ago but realise I've had this for most of my life. It adds up. But how I manage caring for my kids when I've got so little basic control... it's beyond me.
I'm up half the night with my baby, and all day all I can think of is sleep because of the bloody pills. I'm so burnt out it's ridiculous.
I think this turned into a rant more than anything, sorry. Anyone? Anyone relate? 😔 Sick of being me. And I've a review coming up, I know they'll want to increase my bloody medication 😔

Yup,
Worn the T shirt, watched the book, listened to the film, read the soundtrack...

You talk about meds saying it's your body and being sick of being controlled by pills. What other meds are they giving you? I am on valproate semi soduim. It helps keep my manic moods under control and from that I avoid the humungous depression.
I choose to take the meds because I choose to control my situation and the meds are a tool to achieve that end. I use them. They don't control me. I miss the excitment I used to feel when I was "clean"... but I prefer my life not out of control with explosive moods and stupid outlandish behaviour.

I can't help with the fatigue caused by baby part as we never had children. But I have worn your shoes when it comes to the mood swings.

Oh, BTW.... count yourself in good company. Princess Lea, Churchill, Ruby Wax, Steven Fry, Spike Milligan, to name but a few fellow manic deprssives.

Aripriprazole is my drug of their choosing. Least drowsy side effects apparently. Can't say I believe them.
I have to admit right now I'm missing the mania. I like the excitement. Nothing comes close. Thank you for replying. I feel so damn lost with this

I can sympathise. I hate the meds as they make me fat, slow and stupid, but the alternative is to end up in hospital again which fucks my children up.

But oh the tiredness. Its horrible isn't it. and yes, Mania is so, so tempting, but I've reached the stage now when its not worth it.

I did a course called Bipolar on Track which involved learning about how to manage the disorder alongside the meds and everything else. That's been the most useful thing I've done as its not all about increasing meds, but about how to work with the illness on a day to day basis.

I can't take antidepressants as they send me sky high. I'm on quetiapine and lamotrigine instead.

Some people don't get on on aripiprizole (sp) DH has took it 2 years without issue but I don't like it. There is other options, Quetiapine, Risperidone, Olanzapine and I'm sure there is another but I can't think what.

I've come to accept I have Bi-polar for life, I try and look at it as just a sickness of the brain (which it technically is) it's hard though

Fat, yes!! I've gained weight and I feel so blah!!!!
My example of my mania was minor. But to the point where I can't afford to buy food. It's scary.
I've had quitiapine and didn't get on with it at all.
I miss the mania. Like an old friend. It's so hard to explain, nobody else would get it. I'm drawn to do whatever will give me that 'hit', the buzz. But I also know how incredibly irresponsible that is.
My baby is sleeping on me right now and I feel so alone. But my boyfriend is due to come over and I'm in two minds, I want to be alone for a few years (!) and hide away. I'm not well right now I know I'm not. Hiding is what I do best when like this. Avoidance. I feel like I'm getting worse not better, I hate it 😔

I hate the side effects from antipsychotics. I get by on lamotrigine most of the time and take olanzapine as and when needed when my mood becomes elevated. It turns me into a human food vacuum with no libido which isn't cool. Then there are other fun things to consider like the risk of tardive dyskenesia and constant fatigue.

I'm in the process of nipping a manic episode in the bud right now. It's so tempting to just not take the olanzapine though as I was starting to feel pretty good.

Avoidance isn't good. I have become a bit of a hermit since a really severe manic episode 18 months ago or so.

I just try to remind myself that mania starts off feeling great and usually ends up in remorse, regret and embarrassment. Not to mention paranoia. My CMHT are running a psychoeducation course for bipolar soon, so hopefully that will help.

Question I either felt like I could run the world or I wanted to hide from it.

I bet I can make you feel better about the weight gain. DH (who's male obviously) ended up with boobs when he was put on olanzapine.

I shouldn't of laughed but I did a lot.

Are you feeling any better?

I've just been diagnosed bipolar today
The CPN is going to ring me on Thursday to find out if I would prefer Lithium or Quetiapine as my preferred treatment.
I knew that the diagnosis was coming and this was my first appointment with the psychiatrist but it's still a bit of a shock.
I've just posted basically for a bit of a hand hold.

Really recommend www.bipolaruk.org

They have a forum where you can ask questions x

Lady

It will be ok. I find it helps (and this is just me personally) to look at it as my brain being sick.

Fuck all I can do about it so I may as well crack on with things.

Thank you its a bit of a relief as well

Please come back you two ......
I've decided I'm going to go for seroquel
I was talking to my mam today and she said that I had been prescribed lithium when I had puerperal psychosis 22 years ago and it had no effect.
Because this episode of depression with its ups and downs has lasted since August last year I'm not sure what normal feels like any more - is that normal????

Lady when you say ups and downs would you describe the up's as manic?

In August last year I was manic which lasted 6 weeks and was horrific - I recognised within about a weekend that I was becoming giddy and over excitable and then I just went up on an emotion that had no climax until I came crashing down .
It wasn't enjoyable like it has been in the past because I knew the drop was inevitably coming.
My GP put me on Mirtazepine and within 4 days I was fabulously indestructible .
To cut a long story short ..... November I had a counselling session and the counsellor said I was the happiest depressive she had ever met- the next session she said she had asked for advice and recommended I see my GP for a referral regarding Bipolar 2
I saw a CPN in December and then the psychiatrist yesterday for a final diagnosis
Sorry if that's more info than you needed

Obviously I'm not a doctor but do you agree with the bi-polar diagnosis?

Il not pretend to be an expert but a few other MH disorders have similar symptoms. Although im diagnosed as bipolar now other illnesses have been mentioned in the past.

You mentioned psychosis years ago. Is there any other instances you can think of which could be psychosis?

Yes I must admit I agree with the diagnosis
I don't know if I am bipolar 1 or 2 yet because I never thought to ask .
Why ? What are you thinking ???

Just if you didn't agree with the diagnosis to get a second opinion. Professionals are all well and good but I think over time especially with long term conditions patients can know more.

Did you like the psychiatrist you saw?