I am as the title says. There is a lot in here and I'm not entirely sure what I am asking, so please bear with me....
I was pregnant last year and had to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons at the start of the second trimester. It was a long, drawn out, hideous process and we have just had final genetic test results back and in theory have the all clear to start again. But since then I have become scared of everything. I can see the worst case scenario in literally everything, and I go from zero to disaster almost immediately. It's particularly an issue with health issues, for example my DD3 has had a persistent bout of oral thrush since she had antibiotics last Autumn. DH took her to a Crappy locum doctor who said he had no idea what it was but it might be a weakened immune system from HIV or cancer. We then took her to a better doctor who said it was probably gut related but to treat for 2-3 weeks and come back for a stool sample if it doesn't clear. But I can't shake what the initial doctor said and have serious anxiety about it. Although my rational brain says it is probably fine, having been the 1: whatever who had to terminate, I feel like I can always be the 1. Logic doesn't matter anymore, because I have lived and am living the unlikely scenario. I am obsessive about checking to see if the thrush has gone, sometimes 2-3 times a day. But I am petrified about it being back because of the contact with doctors it will involve. I know I am probably being irrational, but that isn't enough to stop my irrational thoughts.
I got referred to a psychological at work the other day because of a particularly stressful (unrelated) incident I am involved in, and everything came out. I cried a lot. I have only taken 1 day off since the day I left hospital after the termination and the psychologist rang me today to say I should consider time off. But I don't want to take time off. I don't want work to know what has caused these issues and I don't want to have days or weeks at a time sat around at home thinking about what happened as I don't think that will help me.
So if I don't want time off, and I have now started to see a psychologist, what else can I do to help healing and to stop feeling like this every day? I sometimes feel like only time will get me there but I can't create that, so what can I do?
Thanks for reading...