Let down by therapist - would you say anything?

[Woollymammoth63]

So I had a problem this week when I felt very reactive and unsettled after a session talking about a trauma, when it was likely this problem would occur. I tried to self manage, but felt I was struggling. I asked to see her - she didn't reply for two days, and when she did she basically said she had no time. I felt better by then in any case and reassured her it was ok. However, how I feel about this is a different matter- I think she was perfectly within her rights, however I also think she could have replied within a reasonable time, and at least made a pretence of attempting to fit me in. Also, she could have asked me if I was alright. It feels a bit like, you open up, but when there is a problem, you are on your own with it. And also , let's face it , what can they really do?
Obviously I have a plan to talk about it, and get her thoughts on what to do next time, etc, and talk it through, but just interested to know what others feel. I didn't create a drama, just asked politely, but the ' no' was a bit off putting for me to further increase my vulnerability. How have any of you dealt with this or what would you do or say? I don't want to be over dependent, and consider myself generally stable. It's obviously time to redraw boundaries too.

It's hard to approach it calmly without coming across as critical.

Could you write it down? I have a blog which is immensely helpful I quite often send links from it to my therapist. You could maybe start by taking chunks from what you've written here and then go from there?

wooley my psychologist managed to trigger horrific flashbacks, then left me hanging 3 weeks over Christmas as he was fully booked. Didn't occur to me to try to contact him to be honest but was a complete mess. I did give him an honest evaluation of why I was changing therapist though that wasn't one of the reasons, I assumed that was normal. He said he was glad I was feeling better even if it was 'inspite of him' rather than because of him. Don't worry about sounding critical of your therapist, you can give constructive critisism, and do it in a nice way.

She has now messaged me saying she was happy to hear I am now feeling better
She says we can work on how I can manage it. That is good but sounds like I will be on my own with it.
With respect, if you haven't been there I honestly don't think you can really ' get it'.

I don't think it's unusual or unreasonable for a therapist not to allow contact between sessions-mine wouldn't (NHS psychoanalytic therapy). But they should have a clearly-understood plan in place for if you need extra support between sessions, whether that involves a backup therapist, crisis team or whatever.

Not having an arrangement in place for extra support between sessions isn't very confidence inspiring.

I had a chat- feel there's a rupture there from my point of view. I can continue but it won't be the same.

Good that you managed to talk about it. Do you still feel let down then? What did she say?

Yes I still feel let down. I'm not going to have any contact now between sessions I find it easier that way.

She didn't allude to it spontaneously. When I asked her she said she had not received the message. I can't accuse her of lying, but it strikes me as very unusual for a self employed professional not to receive a text for two days. There was no such issue when she was chasing me for a change in appt time. In any case as I pointed out to her, it was a no. She agreed and said she was busy. Fair enough, time to reset my own boundaries and expectations in the light of knowing she is not available. To some extent, I find the therapeutic relationship a bit fake.

OP, how long have you been with your therapist? Have you had therapy before?

Several months, previously we have had a good relationship, though with a couple of small problems, or ruptures as I believe they are known. Before anyone says this- I'll say it first ; although I think my thoughts are valid, I understand that it's my feelings that are hurt and that is the bit I am probably working through in my mind. I could do with a bit of a break so I can process it I think.

Ruptures are part and parcel of the therapeutic relationship, but Repairs should follow. Do you think the earlier ruptures were adequately repaired?

Sorry only read the first page just wanted to say, my trauma therapist after a difficult session would always say to contact her if I need to see her sooner and she will put me on the end of her sessions and see me. If I messaged between sessions she would always reply but wouldn't engage which I totally respected as you can counsel over text, she would advise me to come in face to face.
I have reached out as you have in despair a few times. She always replied promptly. I would feel very hurt in your posistion. She needs to know that otherwise trust is broken and you might find it hard to go into a session fully if you are not sure you are supported. Hope you are ok x

Can't not can

Thanks can't. I couldn't engage properly at least at first yesterday, which she may have taken as ' resistance'.
when she texted saying she could not see me, at that point she hadn't received my e mail saying I was better - I sent that later in the evening. Yesterday it was as if she was suggesting that her lack of offer to see me was influenced by the fact I had mailed to say I was better, but actually that's not true.