I know I need to go to the dr

[oregon1985]

But I don't know what to say.
I think I'm depressed or something, I don't know.
I've always been, I guess down is the right word. As long as I can remember I've always felt like it would be better if I weren't here.
But the last month has been tough (end of relationship with the love of my life, though we're working through it we're not back together).
I'm not coping very well. I can't do anything, I have no motivation. I spent the last few days just staring blankly at the tv. I have random hours a few days a week where I feel like I'm might be ok, I get positive and a small amount of motivation then it's right back to feeling empty.
I can't blame my relationship ending on this because it's been like this forever but it's intensified a lot the last few weeks. Most days I'll just sit by myself all day. I can barely bring myself to get up and shower. I don't talk to anyone. I just sit here. At work in very good at putting on a cheery front. People think I'm bubbly and friendly but it's all just so people don't ask me if I'm ok, because I feel like I will break down if someone knows how I really feel.
I feel broken. And empty.
I know I should probably talk to the dr but I don't know what to say. I've never been good at talking to people face to face and I feel pathetic.

Firstly a huge hug xx secondly you have made a big step writing all that down. Could you print it and take it to your GP? You are not pathetic at all you are struggling with a lot of things and it's time to ask for some help. Keep posting here - believe me you're not alone in how you feel and not alone in the fact you will feel better. Take that first step because you are worth it xx

Another hug. (( )))

A lot of people will tell you to exercise outside but the weather is AWFUL so you can be forgiven for not doing anything.

I agree with joto - print out your post and show it to the doctor. That way, you don't even need to speak. The doctor will be kind to you and you may even start crying. That is normal and I do it a lot: it's your mind & body's relief that you are being acknowledged.

In the meantime, plan treats. Treats such as a home made pamper day. I have spent today slapping on hair masks, face masks and I'm currently cherishing my feet. Have I got dressed today? No. Do I feel guilty? No.

I get bouts of depression and the only thin to do is to accept it and try to enjoy little things. So, plan nice things for yourself. Get that box set. Bake that cake. Buy that book.

And a relationship breakdown is not easy. Take care of yourself in the way that YOU want to.

I have so many responsibilities that I just can't be bothered to do. I just want to sit here. I will go to the dr I just need to get the courage

What is urgent? You need to:

Go to work
Pay your bills
Wash (on work days)
Buy, cook and eat wholesome food
Do your laundry (for work)

What are your responsibilities? Sometimes stuff can wait.

I'm doing my masters. I've already been told I'm failing. I don't really care right now. I don't care about anything. And I know I should but I just really don't.

And and to make things even better, I found out today I'm losing my job, where I've only been for two weeks, because the company is closing. I don't think things could get worse.