I think I might have bipolar

[HowTheFuckDoIDoThis]

I asked the doctor this on my last visit, during depression. She said if i was bipolar i would be climbing the walls.
I knew that was a load of rubbish, but just accepted what she said.

I know my doctors notes did say 'manic depression' years ago. Which is bipolar. I dont think it says that now. I think it says dysthymia. I am back at the docs on friday so will ask again about it.

I was there a few weeks back and was put onto sertraline. I thought it was working. I felt great, full of energy. I was ready for anything that came my way. My house was immaculate. Then i went on a spending spree on a ridiculous amount of shoes, storage boxes, ottomans. I was in the mindset of it being time to get everything sorted once and for all.
After a week or so, i thought i was still depressed. I thought the spending sprees were associated with depression. I went back to docs explaining what happened and asked to increase my meds.
Since then, i have gone 'flat'.
Physically i feel depressed, but mentally i dont. It is frustrating as i want to do housework and other things, but physically i havent got the motivation.

I now wonder if i went somewhat hypo/manic when taking anti depressants.
I also wonder if i associated my spending sprees with depression as i crash after it and lack motivation.

You kind of just forget all of those times you feel great and focus more so on the downers. Which is always when i go to the doctors.
There have been a number of times i have felt as great as i mentioned earlier.

I have bpd but was misdiagnosed as bipolar a few years ago.

The thing that triggered my rapid cycling was ssri antidepressants. A doctor (as in gp) can't diagnose bipolar you need to be seen but a psychiatrist. Worth asking

Does bpd also have rapid cycling?
I want to ask to see a psychiatrist on friday. Im just worried that the doctor says i dont need to or what have you. She was very dismissive when i asked if it was bipolar. Can i insist that i see one?

Um, it can do. It was more a reaction to the meds. I generally don't know what mood I'll be in one moment to the next. The slightest thing can throw me.

I'm not sure, you can try. I would say it's having a huge impact on your life, describe the events where you thought you were hyper manic and ask if it's linked to the meds. Have the changed your medication?

I have been on and off meds for years. Ive had all of the ssri's. They tried me with an snri(mirtazapine) and (looking back) again, i went weird. I was very suicidal, but very agitated and on edge. I rang the doctor a few times worried about myself, i also spoke with the samaritans and emailed them - so not my usual depression of shutting myself down and away.

I stopped them myself as the doctor wouldnt listen and told me to keep going with them.

Went off trqck a bit there! Im now back on an ssri, sertraline.
I have had these episodes a lot of times throughout my life. There is a high chance the ssri's have affected me previously in the same way.

My last (what i think) hypomanic episode, i decided to start making my own natural products. I bought bars of beeswax, shea butter, coconut oil and god knows what else. I have a cupboard full of natural shit. I made body butters, hair products and stuff that i dont actually use! I gave the kids some to give their teachers because i thought it was great! The shame 😔 lol
Anyway, i wasnt on any meds then.

I will mention how it is having an impact on my life and hopefully i will get referred

I am also manic depressive. I don't like the term Bi polar. For the most part I can manage without meds.. but I do get over the top and then become very difficult to live with.

From your description you do sound manic depressive.

Diagnosing it accurately is very difficult. You can't do a blood test or a hormone test or an X-ray.. it is a matter of asking questions and sorting out the answers. Then coming to a judgement. Which may or may not be wrong.

One thing that helped me was that I was under a lot of pressure at work. In a nutshell management wanted rid of me because i was difficult to handle. I was signed off work. I asked f I could see a specialist because I felt no one was batting for me. That got me to a consultant. I would suggest asking again..

Please keep posting and good luck

Oh BTW, if you are manic depressive..

Hold your head up high. You are in very good company. Princess Lea was manic depressive, as was Churchill.. and many many many more

Is your doctor practice like mine, where you see anyone available, not just 'your' doctor? Wondered if it was worth explaining to another doctor, and asking for a referal to a psychiatrist. I had PND,was put on an anti-depressant (20 yrs ago, can't remember which) and it made me hyper.

Are you sure it says dysthymia and not cyclothymia OP?

Yes my doctors are like that. You see anyone. I do have an appointment with the doctor who said its not bipolar on friday. So i might not get the referral from her. I will try again with a different doctor.

I am seriously considering stopping my sertraline, but i really dont know if that would be a good idea. I just dont like how im feeling lately.

Id say that mine was also manageable without meds. If it is that. Its just the spending sprees and bad judgement mixed with being impulsive does not go down well with me.
I am really good at making myself believe that my reason for buying something is perfectly reasonable. Especially animals, they are the worst as i am just throwing more work my way when im down.

A few months ago when i was 'up' i decided to rehome a dog from a shelter. To go along with my puppy i had bought on impulse a couple.of month before that.
People told me not to, that i was crazy and i should at least sit on the idea for a few days. But, no. It needed to happen immediately. Thank goodness there was a trial period because it was too much. It could open doors (nightmare at bedtime when kids are asleep). Having to keep the doors locked at all times so the dogs and kids couldnt run out from the dog opening it lol. The seperation anxiety when i was out drove my neighbours mad. It sent me spiralling down.

I think so mrssmith. I will double check on friday because it would be easy to mix those two up from glancing at the screen!

Yes, have a look. Cyclothymia generally goes untreated and undiagnosed as it's kind of 'low level' bipolar and people often just bumble along and live with it. Dysthymia is a persistent low mood only, again, usually people with this just accept it and don't look for treatment as they see it as just a part of who they are.
Push for the referral even if it's just for diagnostic clarification. If you don't meet the threshold for treatment in secondary mh services there's always IAPT.
I'ma senior community mental health nurse by the way, in case you figured I was just spouting nonsense

The 79th Mrs Smith, you offer an Interesting comment..

Whilst I am a manic depressive I have avoided getting so bad as to lead an armed revolution... though I did royally fuck up a potential career in local politics. I actually got to a diagnosis myself fromtalking with my consultant. He did blood tests and put me on Valproate semi sodium. (Depakote). I think it is wonderful stuff. It mostly works against manic behaviour.

It has a very short half life and kick in time. If I forget to take it, I get to know within a few hours, but I can pop a tabled and within a little time I am much more calm.. By helping me not go over the too, it also helps me avoid the crashing depression on the come down...

Bloody iPhad keyboard...

too. .... top

OP you sound like me and I have just been diagnosed with cyclothymia. I need to be on sertraline for OCD as well though in fact they increased it so they can't be too worried about it sending me bonkers. It feels like they are quite happy to let the cyclothymia stay untreated and were much more interested in the OCD side of things.

Thank you all. I have been to the docs this morning. I seen the same doctor who said previously that its not bipolar as id be climbing the walls.
I explained things in more detail, especially about since starting sertraline.
She said i have already been referred to a psychiatrist. When i went to the doctors to get my meds increased i had told him about how i felt after starting the sertraline. He asked if i wanted talking therapy and i said i dont know. He said he will send them a message anyway. I didnt understand as its self referral, the doc just gives you a number to ring. So he obviously referred me to psychiatry instead, without me even knowing. He wqs a different doctor to the one i seen today.

Today she listened to me and seemed to agree. I suppose the difference in my mood was quite clear to her as well. Last time i seen her i was depressed, very anxious and not very talkative. Today, i felt confident, great and very talkative.

So now she wants another appointment with me as the 10 minutes wasnt enough for her. She wants to get more information to make a better report to psychiatry as previous doctor hasnt said much in his referral.
She had typed up about hypomanic - whether she was saying that i currently am hypomanic, or saying that ive mentioned of times i feel ive been hypomanic, i dont know.

She advised me to continue taking my sertraline as she doesnt want me to just stop it. She said we will discuss it in our next appointment when she has a bigger picture

I got teary reading this, can we talk? I feel so alone with the same issues.

I spent over a year trying to tell gp there was something wrong with me - more than his diagnosis of depression and anxiety. I told him its either bpd or bi-polar. fast forward, I was diagnosed as bpd. had a year of crap cbt and couple of counselling session then left to rot on anti- Ds.

howthefuck I too have impulse to animals. no one understands me I get the thought that I really need it in my life its the only thing that will help. buy it then few months (sometimes days) realise I cant cope and even hate it! it really messes my head up.

previously when I was on antis I would be building stuff for 12hrs straight, decorating or obsessed with fitness. I decorated my whole house twice in 6mths, bought treadmills, gym balls, fitness watches... then came down crashing into motionless mess.
I once bought food mags, printed off recipes for baking and bought the ingredients for EVERY meal in one go plus all the baking equipment costing £200 a few years ago.

I needed some leg warmers and bought 12 pairs (off line) not been used, my head was foggy at the time and I don't remember why now? there are loads more I can type over the last 7yrs of being like this.
at the moment im crashing, self harming deflated mess. my usually OCD home is filthy

typical of my thread killing sorry op

No youre not thread killing. Im glad you can relate so much. At least we arent alone! Im especially pleased someone is the same with animals as it messes my head up too. I am an animal lover so i wind up riddled with guilt when i struggle to cope with it or feel i could rehome.

Ive also been there with recipes. Decided we should all be super healthy and tried to make sure we had super healthy meals for every meal. Im a fussy eater so i ended up barely eating anything during that time lol. Not that there is anything wrong with having helthy meals all of the time, but im more of a varied kind of person.

the other month my head was adamant that I needed a rabbit, that it could improve my life. I saw visions of it running around the house binkying all happy and I was smiling teaching it tricks... it had to be a blue eyed white one, it was like I was possessed scouring internet for this bunny. it took over my thoughts, was there when I woke and went to bed.
found one, with in a couple of weeks I hated the smell, the mess and was nothing like my day dreams. but you'd think id remember that from the last rabbit. nope! its like im hypnotised sometimes

my ex P could see it coming but I wouldn't have none of it, until it passed then it became clear. does any one notice your behaviour patterns?

It does sound like hypomania rather than mania.

Hypnotised is a good way to put it! Like you, i cant think of anything else until ive achieved what my mind has set out for me.
It is all i think about and talk about.

Yeah family members can see it when its happening. They will tell me not to make rash decisions but i am great at justifying my reasons. If they keep going trying to stop me, i can be quite snappy about it.
Its a case of them thinking "here she goes again".
I will act without thinking of the consequences. I will leave myself short, or get into debt because the need for whatever it is at the time is of great importance.

I agree it sounds more like hypomania.