I'm going to run away but I don't know where to go

[RunawayMum]

The DC are with their dad. I don't want to be here when they get back. I've had enough of this life. I could end it all, but that would be unfair to everyone else. So I thought I would just disappear. But I don't know where to go or what to do. I could go to a friend but I don't want to put that responsibility on anyone. I know I need help but I don't know how to get it without everyone knowing. Running away is the best option. But how can I? Too many people need me. I wish I was more selfish, then it would be easy.

wanting to disappear is a classic sign of mental health problems

so you are in the same boat as a lot of people

maybe that doesn't help too much but think of it as something which as many as 1 in 3 people will feel sometime

but it feels unique to you

try a help line like the Samaritans who are trained to talk

hide under the duvet till they get back

see if you can work up the courage to speak to your dh and if you can, book an appointment for the GP on Monday

what you are feeling isn't unusual as zippi has said - there is help for you out there - you just need to work up the courage to go and ask for it (perhaps dh could go with you?)

You sound like you are in a very lonely place at the moment. Running away isn't going to change that but getting help might.

Is there are rl friend you could phone or visit? I know you say you don't want "everyone" to know so if that's not an option can you talk to the Samaritans just now and your GP tomorrow?

Thank you for taking the time to reply

You may be should also see your GP on Monday.
Anyway killing yourself is usually less selfish than disappearing by the way because despite popular myth older life policies pay out. If you just disappear no one has any idea where they are or where they stand. But either option is wrong. I bet your children love you a huge amount and would be devastated if you weren't there.

agree with everything said thus far

i would call the emergency gp now, or go to A&E if you feel you might do something harmful to yourself

or see GP first thing monday

also , contact homestart/ surestart for help. speak to your HV...there is support out there

confide in a friend or relative, talk to the samaritans

running away dooesn't help because tbh you end up coming back or in real terms not living a better life

and your family go through hell just the same

try writing your feelings

try a walk

try sleeping and watching an old film

and try to work up to getting some help

All points noted. Thank you.

"everyone knowing"

is not as bad as you think

and no one need know other than your close family or not even them if you don't want

but

you may be surprised by the support you get and how common it is if people do know

Oh no, I'm sorry.

I have felt the same way too. Last weekend I almost called DS's Dad to tell him not to come back. I too do not want to be here but feel incredibly guilty at leaving DS...

Has something in particular happened to make you feel like this?
How long has it been going on?
Do you have any support?
Does anyone know about this?

I do think talking to your GP is a good idea, but I know that takes courage...
The Samaritans or other helpline are a good option if you feel desperate - I have called them and asked them to talk to me just to keep me occupied and 'attached' to someone when I felt very desperate.

No-one in RL knows about how I feel btw - I manage to put on a brave face and pretend I am ok when really, I am far from it.

If you want to talk off-line, you can e-mail me - swooshing around @ gmail dot com (no gaps). I have been/ am going through a similar thing so can offer a bit of sympathy if nothing else.

Please take care of yourself and keep posting on here.