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Mental health

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Original poster

Anyone else phobic about driving?

22 replies

nearlythree · 24/02/2007 21:58

I hate it. I can drive, but stopped within a couple of weeks' of passing my test 10 yrs ago. Just the thought of it makes my heart race and my stomach churn. I live in a rural area with no public transport and have three dcs. I could get by as dh works from home, but soon his job will be changing and I will need to be able to get to the doctor etc. I feel sick just thinking about it. I could kill my children if I make a mistake and I can't even steer the buggy properly. I really can't do this.

OP posts:

breadgirl · 24/02/2007 22:05

Oh, don't panic .. you really can do it Drive around slowly for a while .. or getting an automatic is good.

Rumpel · 24/02/2007 22:10

Get some refresher lessons to boost your confidence and take some rescue remedy before you go. You could try a hypnotherapy cd to help boost your confidence - positive thinking one or even see a hypnotherapist for a few sessions and good luck.

Beauregard · 24/02/2007 22:13

OMG
There is someone else like me.
I am the same and it is very depressing as the only person stopping me is me.
I had lessons years ago and gave up due to lack of confidence ,which i believe was brought about by having a bitch of an instructor first time round.i also spent the summer of 2005 driving about having lessons with my parents but despite me being able i just couldn't take it one step further to go for a test.
I just know that if i were to go for a tset that i would fail constantly as i go to pieces if someone is watching me do something.
I feel so thick

Gibby44 · 24/02/2007 22:13

Know exactly how you feel !!! I passed my test 14 years ago and started driving last May.

Basically I was fed up being stuck in the house, and when I went back to work my company announced that they were relocating. It's not far from home - but difficult to get to by public transport. Now I can drive DS to nursery then get myself to work !

I made myself do it. I booked lessons again with the AA and had a great instructor. Don't get me wrong, nearly every time I had a lesson booked I would pray that she didn't turn up !! Still feel panicky if I am on a strange road, and still haven't done any motorway driving yet - but hey - one step at a time !! Must admit though - I was sooooo terrified of driving my 2 year old around that I bought an automatic car !!

Good luck - I never thought I could do it - but there you go !!

Budababe · 24/02/2007 22:14

I was the same and would second the tip that automatic is easier.

I ended up starting to drive an automatic on the other side of the road! (Learnt in UK but actually started properly in Bulgaria)

Beauregard · 24/02/2007 22:17

Just read the op again and see that you can drive so not the same really.

threelittleDaves · 24/02/2007 22:21

Hi nearlythree,

I lost my confidence suddenly without realising it- think it was around the time I had a baby tbh. I really didnt do much driving, but was happy to do familiar routes, but if we went out as a family dh always drove.

Since we got another car I realised I have done more driving and been willing to try new journeys

ellenjames · 25/02/2007 13:11

Hi i am exactly the same. Used to be sick and have tummy! troubles before every lesson( I had nearly 2 yrs worth!). God knows how but passed my test bought a car and never drove it! Am absolutly petrified of driving. My dh does all the driving and if we ever split i would be buggered!as have 2 babies. Doesnt help that nearly gt hit into by some bloke drink drving and in our new car skidded off the road into a ditch( with kids) i nearly messed myself that time! I am now that scared that i hate me or kids going anywhere in a car which is stupid i know especially as i live in lincolnshire!( very rural)Hope u get sorted soon x x

puppydavies · 25/02/2007 13:22

i am, since i crashed (badly). i'm unhappy riding in cars tbh and before i was pg i'd take valium before a long journey (now just don't do long journeys lol). it's not difficult for me to live without driving - we didn't have a car for a years before this anyway - but it's a real problem i know i should address. i'm going to get counselling for it i think, and then try taking an advanced driving course, you know the kind where they teach you to drive defensively etc. well, some day, i've been putting it off for a long time...

northerner · 25/02/2007 13:29

neralythree, you can drive so that is a huge hurdle that you have already jumped!!! Get some refresher lessons ans take some rescue remedy and you will do it. YOu need to gte dh on your side and he must insist you drive when you go out as a family.

pelvicfloor - you sound like I did last year. I strated having driving lessons when I was 18, I finally passed my driving test on the 5 th attempt last December. I was a nervous wreck and did not enjoy driving, and I came so close to giving up each time I failed a test.

But I did it, so can you. And now I feel so good just driving around town and stuff on my own. It's fab.

pollyanna · 25/02/2007 13:30

me too. I gave up after a crash which wasn't my fault. I learnt about 3 years ago, and was a really confident driver while learning, but lost my confidence completely once I passed my test. I am constantly afraid that I will crash/cause an accident because I make a mistake or don't notice something. I am not allowed to drive at the moment anyway (docs thought I had epilepsy), but once I get the all clear I do think my life will be easier if I drive. I am planning to take refresher lessons, but am thinking of NLP/Hypnotherapy as well.

franca70 · 25/02/2007 13:33

same here!
It took me ages to pass my driving test (some 16yrs ago, in Italy). I used my mother's car, when still living with my parents (yes, Italian tend to live with their parents for ever ) occasionaly on routes I knew very well. Stopped driving when moved on my own (didn't want/need and couldn't afford a car). Didn't drive when we moved to the uk. Gave it a try last year, but had a panic attack. I hate it. I kind of decided that mine is a green choice rather than total lack of confidence...

Snaf · 25/02/2007 13:38

I didn't drive for years after passing my test (lived in London, no kids, didn't need to) and totally lost my confidence. When I moved out of London and had a baby I had to get back into it, but hated it.

I started off very slowly, just a few minutes at a time, and always took someone else with me in the car - and never ds! Bit by bit I got my confidence back. I then decided I had to tackle my fear of motorways - had never driven on one and was terrified. One day I was invited to a good friend's wedding and to get there by train would have cost an arm and a leg. I ddecided I had to drive. I took friends with me for mapreading and moral support and drove 3 hours on the motorway. I was shaking the whole way but more proud of myself afterwards than anything I ever done!

Now, I love driving and love motorways You can do it, you will get your confidence back. Just take it bit by bit.

belgo · 25/02/2007 13:38

Nearly three - your post could be written by me. The major difference is that I live in Belgium and use that as an excuse. I deliberately bought a house in the centre of a town so that I can walk /catch the bus everywhere. But ten years after passing my test, and two children, people are beginning to get annoyed with me and hassle me to drive - and they are absolutely right. It is just about the only thing in my life that I haven't acheived.

I want a third baby and my dh has told me I have to drive before then.

But it is terrifying - the thought of knocking someone over - I can't get that out of my head.

RustyBear · 25/02/2007 13:41

I was just like you, I was 24 when I passed my test,but due to a combination of events I didn't drive for a while afterwards & when I did I found I'd really lost my confidence & I didn't drive at all for several years. We lived close to public transport & I didn't need a car.

It wasn't till I moved to our present house that I realised I was going to have to have a car when DS went to school. I found an instructor who was really good with nervous drivers (he'd taught a friend who was 45 when she learnt for the first time)and had several lessons.

I now have an automatic, which is much easier & I still like to do a route with someone else first so I can get lane changes straight in my head before I do it on my own.

Snaf · 25/02/2007 13:45

'than for anything I'd ever done'

Original poster

nearlythree · 25/02/2007 19:51

Thanks you all so much - fantastic to know I'm not alone, and also to see that there are success stories. I really have no choice re driving, we are so isolated here, but the thought of hurting someone b/c I make a silly mistake - I'm prone to doing stupid things - just fills me with horror. Also b/c we have three dcs and the roads around here get really dicey dh has a Volvo XC90 which is huge - I can't imagine ever being able to drive it - I can barely see over the top of the bonnet.

I tried hypnotherapy for labour and it didn't work (gas and air and an epidural did but probably not much use for driving.) I use rescue remedy so could give that a go - will def. need refresher lessons. I passed in an automatic anyway, and dh's monster 4x4 is auto. We live on a quiet lane so could do lots of parking and manouvers practise. I might mention it to my very sympathetic gp, he may know of a counsellor.

I'd just love to be able to take my dcs somewhere at the weekend when their dad is farting about playing cricket, or take one dc on a special outing whilst dh has the other two.

OP posts:

Cloudhopper · 26/02/2007 07:48

You are so far from alone. Loads of people have all kinds of hang ups/phobias about driving. It sounds like where you live and with the cars you have got, it is quite intimidating to get going.

I can't drive on motorways - it is a total phobia. It is so irrational that I have no problem driving on a 70mph A road, although I don't really like driving faster than 50, but I can't go on an actual motorway.(?)

Over the years I have passed up many opportunities to do stuff because it involved driving on a motorway. Once I managed to drive on a motorway for about 10 miles, but then on the way home I didn't have the courage and it took me 2 hours to find a route round the smaller roads.

I think the only reason I drive at all is that it is within London and very ordinary residential roads.

northerner · 26/02/2007 10:15

What some of yu are describing is an actual fear of driving. With my last instructor I actually told her I hated driving because I caould actually see myself crashing the car. Of course dh knew this and he too was terrified of my passing my test. It's a bit like being scard of heights - you can visualise youself falling as you always picture the worst thing that can possibly happen.

Now I ahve learnt that I am in control, I no longer have this fear.

I still need to conquer the motorway though....

And I will!!! And you will too

changinglanes · 26/02/2007 10:29

I'm so glad it's not just me! I learnt to drive about 20 years ago, drove occasionally for a few years in my parents' cars on the roads I learnt on (so knew well), then moved to places I didn't need cars & so have hardly driven since, and now am really nervous. I'd been thinking I'd start trying again (again - already had a few refresher lessons but didn't finish them) if and when we get an automatic. I'm glad to hear that's worked for other people as I've been hoping it will for me too.

pepsi · 19/03/2007 14:24

It took me 8 years to pass...because of my nerves....passed on the fifth go, have been driving for about 8 years now. Im fine around where I know but cant bare the thought of a motorway or going somewhere far away. Over the years Ive built up routes and places where Im fine with....getting children to doctors, best friends house, family, nursery, school as time goes on I get more familiar. I dont like giving people lifts so I dont and just explain why and I dont like parking so tend to park a little bit away from where I am going. I get by but do sympathise with you. You are not alone!

NappyChange · 20/03/2007 20:52

Nearlythree, I live close to London so don't really need to drive that much. Passed my test 8 years ago but have driven only when absolutely necessary. I cannot reverse into a parking space so will hunt around till I find HUGE gaps! It is not the answer but a bloody good start - get an Automatic Car and a SatNav. And I really do believe, if I can drive, anyone can. Start off small with going to the local supermarket and just do more distance a little at a time. x

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