Not depressed as such, but need a magic wand

[losty]

I cannot believe I am posting here again. But I dont know what to do atm.

I have a history of depression. I have a stressful, busy life caring for my DSs and DH who each have their own health problems. I have also had to deal with loads of other 'problems' in my life etc - so lots of reasons to be be down and depressed.

I think I cope pretty well considering, but sometimes it all just gets too much. I drink more than I should, or would like to. I smoke and also abuse my body in other ways.

I find it hard talking about all these things and often end up very intraverted about things, becuase I dont want to burden others with yet more tales of woe.

But I feel so alone, so scared, so sad about it all. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take it all away.

I know that is not going to happen - but how can I carry on like this? I need help to get through every day...

I know I shall regret posting this, but atm the alternative is worse so I will dare to post

I think she is out tonight PB. Her dh went out last night and so she is having her turn tonight! I won't say more but I hope she will be here either late tonight or tomorrow.

Thanks DG, i'll try later

hello losty are you out there??????

bump

Am going to bed soon, probably in the next 15mins, hope you had a good evening, I am out and about tomorrow evening and if Im not too late back will try and call you up, mind you saying that I am around mid afternoon, so maybe I will try then!

PB, I don't think Losty will mind me telling you this: her electrics went wrong suddenly last night and she is now without power and, crucially internet access. I have spoken to her on the phone this morning though, and she is actually feeling better today than she had been at the weekend, which, given the crisis she is in with the electrics, says something pretty major about how she felt at the weekend!

I did tell her though that you were looking for her which pleased her. Looking forward to having you back online Losty!

Thanks DG appreciate that, if you do speak again I prob wont be on tonightas I am going to London, it will prob be tomorrow evening. really pleased shes feeling a bit better, bum about electrics thou

Hi Bubble and hi DG. thanks for looking out for me. As DG said, I have had severe problems at home. One of our electric circuits blew last night. That was finally reparied late this afternoon (although we have been given a conditional pass certificate to have it rewired within a year ) but, when the power came back we realised the central heating controls had blown with the surge last night. British Gas coming tomorrow... So still no heating/hot water.

I have had to throw out all of my fridge and freezer. So within the past month have had to replace all of my kitchen foodstuffs *
(following the beetles...)

Anyway, in myself I am not too bad today. Atlhough my stress levels are v v hight and I am so tense it is unbelievable. (red wine helping that atm...). Yesterday was a bad day though and one I do not want to repeat for a long while. Mentally I a v unstable and have done silly things today as evidence of my overwhelmed mind (eg reversing into a car getting out of a parking space and calling DSs teacher mum )

At hospital tomorrow with DS1 to get results of his recent biopsies taken during his op in half term. I've not even given it a thought but need to before tomorow.

I hope to speak to you both on msn v soon.