I was Sexually abused for 11 years, from the age (probably earlier) five years ago my abuser got 20 years in prison.
I am now 35, by 19 I had turned my life around a got a flat and a good job in the civil service. I've always had nightmares but at 20 I started to get severe flashbacks, nightmares and depression and severe anxiety kicked in.
I immediately went to my gp with the above symptoms, got told to watch snooker as that helped him sleep and prescribed anti depressants. Continued to work as I went down hill fast and furious went back to GP, get told only people who are suicidal get psychological help, I tell GP I could top myself everyday at the thought of having to face another day of it. Get prescribed different meds.
Then I go back again as everything I worked for hangs by a thread because Im not getting the help I need. I get annoyed and tell gp this who then refers me to a specialist.
A week later a 15 page form arrives through my door asking me to write what has happened, which I find I just can't bear to do, seeing it in writing for anyone to see. I go back to go to explain, who says someone else could if helped, I explain the last people who I told ss and sw. Who decided not to report and then sent me home to my mother and knew she was sending me up there and my sister who he also went on to abuse, which causes me great distress as I was always led to believe by submitting to him it would save her from him.
Then went through the horrendous court case, which traumatised further but was successful. I take the front page of the newspaper a report of his sentence to prove to gp thinking they will finally believe and help me but get referred for cbt and end but told ptsd is best treated early on and that nit to expect miracles, which I don't I just want to be able to maintain a job career and life and have a chance.
Remply after witnessing two major flashbacks pay for next to see a psychotherapist. Who tells me I'm still in the avoidance phase and haven't even dealt with the initial I received secondary traumas and that ptsd is not for a gp to diagnose or manage. Due to the avoidance of ptsd emdr and cbt are not the first step for me.
I now am due a phone appointment with my gp as I'm sick of re explaining my life story to random locums who have no clue. I'm going to tell her what psychotherapist has suggested and that if I'm not dealt with as per the NICE guidelines I'm making a formal complaint against the surgery through oaks and MP.
However I don't want it to sound like a threat as I really just want help but being nice has got me nowhere so far.
I just feel I'm floating around a system and until I have a nervous breakdown I won't get the help