If i don't vent all my stress here and now i fear will walk out on my life and never return.

[Charleesunnysunsun]

I know that sounded dramatic but i feel so stressed today i could easily leave these kids and walk out.

It's by no means there fault, infact it's no ones fault i just can't cope today that all.
Every part of my body and mind is screaming where i am so wound up and i am finding everything so hard.

DS1 is in bed at the moment, he has started refusing his medication and physiotherapy and my dr's are just telling me to persist. The poor bugger has had so many changes to deal with since he was diagnosed with CF 2 weeks ago i don't blame him misbehaving but i don't know how to deal with it. He will end up back in hospital if he doesn't start taking his medication.

DS2 is 4 months and screams pretty much all day unless he is being carried around which is not practical. I could buy a sling and put him in that but its not the point he shouldn't nned to be held all the time.

My family are on my back they want me to move closer to them which again is only done in good will because they want me close by to help me with DS1, but i have so much on my plate at the moment i don't want to begin contemplating moving house for the umpteenth time, plus i cannot just waltz into the coucil and demand a house becuase my son has specail needs it's just not that easy.

I thought i was coping so well but this last few days i have realised i am not even though i have such good support from my family and my dp.

I just want to curl up in a ball and pretend i din't exist.
If it wasn't for the fact that i love my kids so damn much i just might do that.

There is no one that can have them to give me a break as my family all have other comitments and i dont reall have any friends.

I am already on anti depressents so i can;t go to the g.p and get more.
Im hopeing that i will start perking up again soon i'm hoping that today is just a hard day and tommorrow things will start looking better.
I just feel so out of control especially with DS1 refusing his treatment, i think its just a case of the terrible 2's setting in but i hate wathcing him make himself ill but he doesn't understand whats wrong with him.

God i am rambling but i need to get this all off my chest beofre i explode!

DS" i currently in his chair screaming, i have held him all day and he has been fed,and hes not wet or dirty i don;t know whats wrong with him.

poor you!

I don't know what CF is - it sounds serious though. Can you not get some relief by way of a nurse assistant?

I am sure somebody will be along shortly who can be a little more helpful.

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Haven't got any advice just a great big hug.

Sorry you are having a hard time, I hope the light at the end of the tunnel shows itself soon.

FB x

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oh charley

You are doing such a great job......

Is there any way that you can get out of the house this afternoon? short walk to the ssweetie shop for some chocolate? for you..

a change of scenery might just help.

Where are you Charlee-do you know any mnr's?

Hopefully some-one will come along soon with the right advice.

My ds (my youngest) was a screamer and wanted held all the time, it slowly (very very slowly!) improved as he got older. I had days where dh would come home and I would hand him ds and run upstairs sobbing and that was without an ill child on top.

I'm not surprised you feel this way, you are doing a temendous job which just got harder.

Can you call your HV and get her to put you in touch with Homestart? They could really help in your situation.

Please hang in there... it will get better.

Yes Cf is Cystic Fibrosis he has only been diagnosed this past 2 weeks.

I live in the middle of nowhere right on a bloody main rd so there is nowhere to walk and i don't drive (am currently learning) I don't have anyone who can take them. My mum is a full time carer for my ill gradparents and she is also disabled herself she helps out asmuch as she can and my sisters have no transport here and both have there own familys to look after. DP helps out alot but finds it hard with both the kids he does help around the house and he has them when im on a driving lesson.

Im usually quite chilled out but im just in pain mentally and physically and i just cant help but cry and cry today it all getting on top of me.

Sorry to hear your having such a hard time, dealing with depression & 2 demanding children is no easy task.

Does your Baby have colic, reflux perhaps?

Sorry I have no practical help to offer & if I was anywhere near you I'd be round to take Baby out for a while I can assure you.

Put on your favorite CD & make a cup of tea!

Not alot of other mn'ers round here unfortunatley.

My HV has been in touch and asked if i needed help and i told her i was having tough days to which she said 'mmm yes its hard being a mum isnt it!'

The community nurse is starting to come and see us soon i am going to talk to her about what help i can get.

you might need a higher dose or a different AD

you need practical help

Homestart and surestart can help -speak to HV urgently

moving house is something to think about in the future, right now you need to get through today !

moving house is one of the three most stressful things we can do, so it is one to put on hold until you are stronger

can family come and stay with you for a few days, ease the burden, let you regain some strength. do they know just how bad things are?

get a sling...4 months old cry and need to be held....c'est la vie ! it will help !

I wish I could help. All I can say is you're doing a fab job. Hope it gets better.

Well it sounds like you are taking the right steps to get some practical help - do mention Homestart to the community nurse. I don't know anything about the application/nomination process. It does sound to me as if it is going to be absolutely necessary all round.

Your DS2 will be picking up on all the tension in the house - that's probably why he is crying more than normal. Invest in a sling or a Graco swing and try to make sure he gets enough daytime sleep so you can have a break.

I hope your DS is feeling better soon and that the Community Nurse is helpful when it comes to giving him his meds.

I know a bit about cf, htey often refuse to take their meds, the drs and nurses will be used to it. Most hospital have a dedicated cf nurse, see if you can get hold of them there are loads of support groups for cf going to google, i am sure you get help soon, if you ring DS's cons secutary should be able to give you the number for a dedicated cf nurse who may have info about local groups. I have a 2y and 4 month old too and its hard without any health issues.Big hugs

Here ** Trying to link but not working address is www.cafamily.org.uk

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A bot better, dp is home now to save my sanity!
Thanks you guys for your posts.