Help! Need to get it together but struggling

[Msanxiety]

Name changed due to sensitive nature of post.

Been a lousy year for me and mine for lots of reasons but for me it's meant a really awful relapse with my mental health.

I know what I need to do in practical terms but it's such hard work I don't know if I have the energy again!

Been several years since I was this bad just too many knock backs this year, it's like every time I tried to stand up some force pushed me over again and said "oh no you dont!"

I've not been taking my meds properly (partly the problem has been a stomach upset which means they just come straight back up, now recovering), I KNOW they work but between the side effects and dissociation I hate taking them. Changing not an option as I've tried loads of different and these ARE the ones that work best with least side effects.

My cpn retired (she was great and I'm lost without her) I have a new one I'm meeting in the new year but I've had problems in the past with finding mental health people I get on with or who understand my particular case. Last one I was sent had only been qualified a few months and was of the "pull yourself together ... If you would just do this this and this every day you'll be fine" variety.

I've no real life support as family are useless and friends have their own stuff (beyond usual stresses) going on and I don't like to trouble them.

I'm a single mum and I need to do this for my kid.

Just want to know I'm not alone, any ideas on where to find the strength (sleep is a major problem) and motivation would be great.

Also anyone that's struggled to get on with taking meds and found a trick to it would be great too.

My best wishes to everyone else struggling.

Thanks for at least reading

its really tough, but you've got throuh this before and you can donit again. You know that once you can get your meds back on track that will help. It must be tough changing CPN hopefully the new one will be just as good, it will take time to build up that relationship again, I can understand that.

You have got a huge ammount of strength, to get this far and you say you need to do this for your kids, so draw strength from your love from them too. Is there anything you have found helpful when things have been tough in the past? For me meditation and exercise are helpful, for DH making and fixing things.

You are not alone, i can understand the feeling of not having the energy to do what u need to. It might not seem like it now, but you do have it in you.

What is the problem with the meds that you dont take them properly? Do you forget or deliberatly not take them?

I agree that hopefully your new CPN will be really helpful and supportive when you get to know them and that will be a big help for you too.

Initially I forget then I think I'm ok without them, but the long term end result is I'm back very ill again.

I wish I knew how to get my head to KNOW I must take them properly. It's like I have two minds on it - one logical - they work keep taking them. The other like a stubborn toddler/teen 'but whyyyyy?'

Just the thought of doing it all again makes me crumble inside at the sheer energy it takes.

Come on you know that you're crumbling,these are positives in making you seek help if that makes any sense.Please go back to your GP and tell them that you're struggling,no shame in that at all.Your GP can help ime they are fantastic with acknowledging MH even if they can give limited help ie AD''s.But they can make referrals to other MH services.