recurring depression/anxiety

[PandaPop55]

I am struggling at the moment, although i can see i am not as bad as i have been in the past, so trying to hang onto that. Just so scared im on the way down still and that its going to get worse. I am very nervous about making any alterations to the meds I am on. I feel they are maybe helping to fight it off a bit, but obviously not doing enough. Dr has suggested adding in quetiopine? Not sure I want to do that, but equally not sure I can just carry on as I am either. Not exactly sure what I am asking here. I have suffered with several episodes like this in the past few years. Dont want to have to keep doing this over and over for the rest of my life. But no matter what i try i dont seem able to get on top of this.

Panda I think the fact that you recognise that you're slipping is good.Your GP sounds very supportive.It may well be the case that your meds do need tweaking.How long have you been on your current tablets for?

Thank you so much for your reply. I have been on these ones 6 months. it always seems like they are doing the trick, as after a short period of hell during which time i think the ads initially make me much worse, i begin to improve relatively quickly. The problem is they do not seem to be able to stop it reocurring. Each reocurrance has in the past lead to either an increase in dose or a change of ad which helps initially but this does not last. I believe the ads are helping as the reocurrance when i came off ads all together was by far the worst. I am very grateful for the medical support i am receiving, but just really scared. I cant keep goin through this over and over.

Can identify with that.It's possible that you may have to accept that the only way to move forward is to stay on the meds.It's a horrifying prospect to feel that you have to take them just to keep on going,I'm in the same place myself.
Have you been offered any counselling?

Yes, I know. I hated the thought of taking ads in the first place, and was keen to come off them, but i finally accepted needing them and had come to terms with being on them long term, but that was when i believed they would keep me well. i am scared of introducing more meds on top. I have also been working on mindfulness/cbt stuff online and trying to improve my lifestyle but it doesnt seem to be enough. I am on waiting list for counselling at the moment.

It sounds like you are taking positive steps with self help. I have found councelling very helpful in the past, hopefully if you can resolve the underlying issues it will reduce the need for medication. In the meantime the medication will help you get through. It can take a while to get the right ballance with ADs, and these dark nights and winter weather don't help either.

Counselling from what I've heard can be beneficial but it's waiting to receive it that's the problem!
What RL support have you got?
Re:the anxiety how does this manifest itself? Do you find that it's the same things that trigger it?

I have good RL support which I am very lucky to havr and very grateul for. I am finding it hard to identify what the triggers are, just seems to hit me. Anxiety is very physical, nausea, shaking, trouble sleeping, just being in a constant state of panic without reason.

That sounds familiar panda thats how I was with this PTSD when it was at its worst. Do you have any history of trauma? Apparently it's often misdiagnosed as anxiety and depression but doesn't respond particularly well to ADs, needs more specific therapy. ADs took the edge off for me but tthat was all.

Thanks for replying. No I have no particular history of trauma. I have had a pretty good life, reasonably normal childhood, supportive family, husband and kids, non stressful job which i quite like, no really major issues in anyway, although I have suffered over the the years with losing loved ones. I am a bit nervous of counselling as I dont feel I have any "issues" which need dealing with, but maybe I am kidding myself. I wish there was something I could blame it on.

Sorry just read that back and realised how it might sound. I obviously do not wish I had experienced some terrible trauma in my life. And i can only imagine what that must be like and am aware that is the reality for many on here. Just feeling sorry for myself and did not meant it like that. Apologies.

The thing is that there may well be no obvious reason that's what makes the illness so baffling.You mention losing loved ones that in itself is a life changing event that has possibly triggered things.

Depression doesn't need a reason panda but having said thatvcouncelling may help you processvthings you are struggling with without even realising. CBT is another therapy that looks at the way that we think about things, which a lot of people find very useful.

Thanks guys. I appreciate the replies. It really helps to vent on here and get out some of the stuff going round in my head. I am trying to be hopeful about the counselling, but I have a doubt that it wont help and then I will be in a worse position as I will be running out of options. I am findin it very hard to accept that this is going to be with me the rest of my life and is something to be managed rather than cured. I am scared that at some point the help will be exhausted.