How to deal with Anxiety/Depression without medication...

[broodypsycho]

..I've came to terms with that I may need help. I was trying for a baby for nearly 3 years with my ex and now 2 years with my partner, so all in all 5 years of trying for a baby with no success. Ive been put on IVF waiting list so it might be sometime next year, and although its a step in the right direction, I just feel after 5 years of disappointment, I cant enjoy it when it happens.
my infertility has changed me as a person, I'm a horrible envious snappy person. I cant be happy for everyone, I become anxious about things that haven't happened. My brothers gf has my nephew who's 2, I'm convinced shell get pregnant again and my parents wont love or be excited about my child as they already have grandchildren. I feel the same with dp mother. Its all sending me into a downward spiral. I often go to bed and wish I would get a brain tumour and never wake up. ive never told anyone this, my partner or parents don't understand. what can I do? I don't want medication as I am actively trying and if by a miracle I do get pregnant I don't want any medication in me. I feel helpess

No experience of IVF or infertility but have experienced miscarriage.You sound very down which is understandable.
Have never been offered counselling as the NHS waiting lists here are very long but I would say that you possibly need a combination of both.
Haven't taken AD's whilst TTC or whilst pregnant but from what I've read on here with your GP's guidance many are safe.

Daily Exercise

Councelling might be helpful, the councellor I see also works for an NHS IVF service, so it may be offered as part of that. I have found that exercise and meditation are helpful for my anxiety, and exercise releases the bodys natural antidepressants too.

I'll be doing exercise after new year once I'm on slimming world for my ivf next year hopefully. I'll have to ask my GP about counselling and medication before I crack uo9

Definately worth discussing with GP, hopefully they can help you get your head in the best place possible before your ivf too. Do you have any idea how long the ivf wait is likely to be? It takes a while for ADs to kick in and then they reccommend to continue them for 6 months after reaching maximum effect. DH and I have been ttc so looked into Flouxitine and Mirtazapine which I have been on Dr. recommended not to ttc whilst taking but looking at the evidence base there is no evidence that they cause harm in early pregnancy, the risks for those seem to be in last trimester. There are some ADs that are prefered if using them in pregnancy which GP will be able to advise on. Generally it is decided on a case by case basis balancing the risks to mothers mental health versus risks to baby. But even NHS choices website states that although generally they recommend to avoid ADs in pregnancy there is no evidence they cause any harm.

Counselling.

A close family member suffers and won't take meds, so I suggested and pay for the counselling route. The change in her is immense. Another one has gone the NHS route and whilst the lady was amazing the NHS only gave six sessions, which isn't nearly enough. When I'm feeling a little better off then I'll pay for her to go privately.