spent xmas eve, xmas day and today in tears. should probably post this in relationships but i have borderline which doesn't help when feeling shit.
im sitting alone trying to think of ways i can help myself instead of thinking of ways out.
next doors laughter coming through the walls is killing me, i walked past the window xmas eve to collect a gift a friend was holding on to for me, and see a kitchen full of family and a table set up for xmas dinner in the morning. i nearly collapsed in the street with tears streaming knowing i could never give that to my dcs. that image of the table stuck with me all day.
i feel utterly useless, that no one would notice my absence. some might even think thank god the 'drip' has gone!
im no use to my kids, dd wanted to play with some of her new games with me. i managed a few games but later in the evening i was just a blubbering mess on the sofa and really couldn't face playing. dd ended up crying up stairs as neither her brothers wanted to play. the day was painful.
my life is a total mess and i don't know how to fix it. no amount of drugs or therapy will repair the damage caused by myself and family.