this is long so please bear with me.
I have changed my name because im ashamed.
i went to live with my dad when i was 14 and he and my step mother beat me so i left home at 16, id just met my first boyfriend.
i was moved into supportive lodgings when i was 16 in able to allow me to leave home, after a year with my boyfriend, i went on the pill, and after a few m,onths, didnt get my break through bleeding as i expected, id already been feeling sick for quite a few weeks but put it down to the pill, a urine test at the gps confirmed i was pregnant, yet despite being unsure as to how pregnant i was, i was not offered a scan and merely had an internal at the doctors who announced that he thought i was about 8 weeks. my boyfriend demanded that i had a termination but i was adament that i was keeping the baby and as a result, he ended the relationship, his mother and father came to visit me and told me that there would be no support from them and that they would cross the road to avoid me if they saw me coming.
my father and step mother had been having fertility treatment which had failed and my step mothers answetr was, get rid ofg it, ir we will contact social services as soon as its born and have it taken away from you.
i was so scared i didnt know what to do, i had no one, eventually i found myself being frog marched to the local gp and telling him i wanted an abortion, i didnt, but was too frightened to argue with my father, every night before the op,m i sat and cried and cried, the doctor who examined me at the hospital merely prodded my tummy and told me i was approx 14 weeks, i was only 17, but had already been reading pregnancy books and knew that 14 weeks was a lot, i also suspected i was further on, but i wasnt scanned.
when i went into theatre, i was told, the op would take 20 mins...i was in theatre 1.5 hours, i remember coming round from the anaesthetic and a nurse saying, im so sorry, but you were so far gone,the op took longer than we thought, it didnt really sink in, i was sent home, actually i went to stay with my father and step mother where they proceeded to taunt me, saying that the baby was better off where it was then having me for a mother, i was in pain and bleeding heavily, and eventually collapsed and was rushed to hospital, i was told i had retained products and was going to be operated on again. that evening i had contraction like pains that got more severe, eventually i got off my bed and gushed blood everywhere, i rushed to the loo and as i did, passed out products onto the floor, it was not just placental matter, i dont remeber anything else before i passed out.
years later, i have beautiful children, i cut my father out of my life and i have tried to move on.
recently my daughter came home from school and said that a friend who was doing re at a different school had been asked to look at links on the net against abortion, she had forwarded one of the links to dd, dd showed it to me and to say it was distressing was putting it mildly, i was so upset i physically vomited and now im haunted by those images.
the hospital were always very cagey about what happened to me but i beleive there was a catalogue of errors, i have discovered that i was actually more than 20 weeks pregnant and that they still used the vaccum ter mination method on me, sometimes i feel like writing and demanding my notes so that i know what happened but my family say it will only make things worse, but that webnsite has brought it all back, i was responsible for butchering my baby, this wasnt an early termination, i was 5 months +, if id have known , i would have put my foot down, i would have stopped it, i just dont know if i can ever get over it
i apologise if this has upset anyone .