Okay, so I have finally accepted that I must get some counselling: my emotional outbursts are affecting my children and I don't want to be that mum to them. I am full of shame over my behaviour, and worry and fear about how to get better.
I think that counselling will help me - I have lots of issues from the past that I probably need to work through. The problem is that I cannot afford private counselling, and having attempted nhs counselling in the past, I think it is not for me.
So, I am looking at low cost counselling, and am lucky that there are a number of places offering it fairly locally. BUT, I am nervous about having a trainee/inexperienced counsellor. The reason is that I have tried a few counsellors in the past, who were not great: one hardly paid attention to wait I was saying , and one I was alone with in a flat and I felt a bit creeped out.
I know that there are great counsellors out there, and a long time ago, I have had a couple of great ones. But how do I find one that I feel comfortable with, and who I will make progress with, rather than going once a week and finding things to say? I worry that this will be harder to find with low cost counselling, and I don't have money to try lots of different counsellors.
I guess, I am asking for some advice on how to find one that I can work well with, and please can I have some positive stories of counselling, (and low-cost counselling in particular) to give me some hope. At the moment I feel pretty hopeless and scared. But I know that the best christmas present I can give my kids is a better role model than I am now, and someone who is more emtionally stable. That is what I want.