Somewhere to turn to

[Belle074]

I've found myself on here as I just need someone to turn too.
I feel like I can no longer cope with anything. My second child has always been hard work and I've always struggled with that, and now my older one plays up on it too.
I have no idea how to discipline my 2nd as she just laughs it off, my oldest just does not listen. I get so angry at them as I have not regained my patience from the previous time.
I think I've always suffered with anxiety, but recently it feels like something is taking over. I can't go out with my kids without anyone else as its like I can't function. I've constant 'what if' scenarios in my head of awful situations that may happen. I have no energy, I feel like I'm in a fuzz that I can't break out of, I can't even make conversation as I've nothing to say. I avoid people so I don't have to speak. I'm driving and I look up and have no idea how I've got to where I am. I've just driven to asda with tears streaming. I sat and cried on the stairs for half an hour to just avoid my oldest, who I was meant to spend time doing Christmassy things with but we've just about drawn a picture in two days.
I have no idea what I'm doing and feel I just need to escape it all.
I'm sorry this is so garbled, this is the first time I've written it down, and it seems so pathetic.
I've told people I can't cope before, but no ones listened. I have no idea what to do or where to turn. I'm going to ruin my lovely kids if I carry on being like this.

How old are your children? Do you have their dad at home with you? It's sounds like classic depression to me but no-one can diagnose you over the internet. Will you see if you can get an emergency appointment with your GP tomorrow please? If your children are still very young this could be some sort of delayed response to PND.

You might just need a few months on anti-depressants, which once you start you could be right as rain in a couple of weeks.

Can you ask for some support with managing your difficult DD at the same time? Maybe ask to see a health visitor or be referred for parenting classes. Do you have supportive friends or family to talk to?

It sounds very like depression to me too. Ring the gp now for the next available appointment.
The anxiety, crying and losing time are all very typical and TREATABLE symptoms.
I give you my first ever mn flowers.

And it doesn't seem pathetic at all. It all sounds very familiar actually. I think most people (certainly most mothers) have had periods of feeling exactly as you do. It is completely possible to come out the other side and feel normal again I promise. But you need to start the process of getting the right support.

Thank you. Xx
They're 4 and 2. When youngest was a few months old I remember breaking down in front of my HV after being so over whelmed, but we only got an extra appointment booked in with her and nothing else.
Yes dads here but he works nights, so is either out, in bed or shattered himself. He's not the most approachable to talk to, more practical view. I left an old job in June due to work related stress and he didn't give much emotional support. In a new job now and much happier there, this seems your hit more when I'm home alone
I think if I felt awake and able to cope I'd do better with behaviour, I think it's been a downward spiral with my reactions and how she behaves with me, as she's the model child at nursery.
I'll try for an appointment tomorrow but I'll have to take them with me as family don't live close by

Like PP's have said you're not pathetic at all.Many of us have been there.I agree that it does sound like depression as I've experienced the same symptoms myself.
My GP also pointed out to me that children do pick up on your mood & will play on it & push your buttons even more!
I found that really useful advice & it helped me to accept that I needed to take the medication.
As for the AD's they take the edge off & make you feel more in control iyswim.

They will take you kids and all.

How did you get on with gp? We'Re all here for when the batshit crazy kicks off if you need us!

a few of us may have felt the crazies at times

I recall sending an irate letter to the council about the state of the footpaths which were bound to give my baby shaken baby syndrome.

Context is all OP, this is a difficult time of the year even for those who don't have depression, lots of anticipation and expectation over Christmas. It's also a dark time of year and that doesn't help. I've suffered from depression in and off for over 30 years and found it difficult in particular when my children were small.
Try and get some support from your GP, you've taken the first step by coming here. There are lots of us about who understand. Sending you a big hug and