Anybody so afraid of the future that they can't enjoy the present?

[Stichelton]

Hi,

I feel like I'm going a little bit crazy here. Since I became a mum for the second time, I've got this incredible fear about the future. Maybe it's getting towards middle age, maybe it's having a couple of tiny people relying on me, I don't know. I've suffered depression before and I'm worried I'm heading into some sort of downward spin.

I'm so afraid of the future. I'm afraid of something happening to my children and not being able to do anything about it. I'm afraid of getting ill and possibly having to leave them before I'm ready. I'm afraid of losing my parents and siblings. I'm even afraid of silly little things. It's starting to preoccupy me so much that I don't feel I'm living in the present.

I don't even know why I'm posting here. Advice? Knowing that somebody might feel the same? I just don't know.

Stories like Aleppo are guaranteed to upset and make people worry.

Then there is the Greek debt crisis
And the Italian financial crisis
And the migrant crisis
Oh and we are getting out of Europe but there is a lot of uncertainty
Then climate change
Then world population explosion
And the possibility the Chinese may get a taste for beef... we are really f**d if the happens

You have a lot of reasons to be concerned. So you are not a bit crazy.. You can't change those things. Worrying over them won't make them go away. But it will make your life uncomfortable.

I think it's a common thing to worry about those things if you've got little ones. Men do it too. Have you tried mindfulness- it's not a cure for everything but it's all about being in the moment so IS actually helpful for these situations. I find going to a yoga class helpful for these sort of things too- again, it's about focusing on the moment. I suppose these things become better with practise. Have you tried yoga/meditation?

It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety OP - which is fear of the future..........and as I'm sure you know it often goes hand in hand with depression. Given that you've suffered depression before I really think you should see your GP sooner rather than later, as it is something that recurs, and anxiety can sometimes be the first symptom to show itself in a depressive illness. Is there a possibility this could be PND as you mention a 2nd child, but not the age.

I know people are recommending yoga and mindfulness and I wouldn't knock them at all but it may be that you need meds to lift you. Were you taking anything before and if so, did it help. Please see your GP - make a list of your symptoms (bullet points) and either hand it over or use it as an aide memoir.

Thanks for your replies. I'll try and respond to each one.

Itsnoteasy Big world events do bother me, but not to the extent that my own potential problems scare me. This might sound a bit self-centred, but it's the things that directly affect me as an individual that bother me the most.

dangermouse I'll look up mindfulness. I'll give anything a go that might improve how I feel.

Magic anxiety sounds right, and I do worry about going downhill again. I said I didn't know why I was posting, but maybe I wanted somebody to say what you've said. My youngest is 15 months, so I don't think that could be considered PND. I've been feeling off for maybe two or three months, so it started when they were about 1. I don't know what interval needs to have passed for depression to longer me PND. I'll keep a note of feelings, see if there's any triggers, and get me to a GP.

Stich..

There is nothing wrong with being self centred on you and your children... gawd knows they take a hell of a lot of effort and emotion... Indeed if you don't pay attention to them, MN's would condemn you for not taking care of them..

If you are lucky enough to live in the UK.. you have a lot going for you. We have an NHS that really does pick up the peices. Social care, and good education, clean running water and mostly sound housing stock...

Most of all there is no one dropping bombs on us. OK our politicians don't deserve us, but they are mostly harmless.

I thought it was in the first 2 years for PND but I could be wrong

It is two years. I suffered with this really badly too-it's not as bad now youngest is four. Have you recently stopped bf at all? I found bf kept me calm-it all flooded back when I stopped!

story of my life. and being 26 weeks pregnant has made it worse than it's ever been.

Memorize the Serenity prayer, and tell it to yourself often. (If you're not religious you might skip the first word.)

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

I recall that my mum (who had multiple serious illnesses) had talked to some relatives that they would take care of me, as it were when I was little, if something were to happen to her and dad. Maybe that can be an option, just to talk to some relative or godmother to your children, and try to arrange for a worst-case scenario (which in all likelihood won't ever happen).

The other thing is of course to try to avoid the news, at least the tabloids. They thrive on making people scared by writing about scary stuff. But most of it doesn't make a difference in your and your children's life, only in someone elses.