Please please help!

[Sunshine511]

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I gave birth to DD2 around 6 months ago. It was a wonderful time and I remember thinking and saying To DH, life really doesn't get much better than this. When she was around 2-3 months old, I found myself starting to worry about what would happen to the girls if something happened to me. Don't get me wrong, they have a good family network all in all, but I didn't grow up with a supportive mum and all I've ever wanted is to give my children what I never had. Anyway, these feelings have completely snowballed. I noticed random bruises appearing on me and I went to the doctors and had bloods done and it turned out to be nothing, but I was fixated on the fact it was going to be something serious. It got to the point I was so stressed about it that my bowel movements were actually completely yellow (who knew that could happen?) and I felt completely exhausted. Which only added to my fear and stress levels. Over recent weeks, I've found myself having stomach cramps quite frequently. I've always had heavy periods but my periods now are like never before. Totally tmi but I'd be lucky to get 2hrs use from a super plus tampon. I've never had a smear (28 years old) as I went for one a few years ago and they couldn't get the speculum (I think that's the name) in because I was too tensed up. Now I'm fearing the worst about these pains and my heavy periods. This worry is all consuming and taking over my life. I just don't know what's going on with me! Please help x

I think it's really normal to panic when you have a baby as you realise the implications of you being ill.

I wonder whether this could be PND. I had it when my children were babies and had anti-depressants, which really helped. Perhaps speak to your GP about the way you feel and ask whether it could be PND?

Could be PND like gin has suggested. It's quite common 1/10 mothers get it to some degree I think. Obviously having children makes you worry more about your health anyway. Or mine did.

But it shouldn't be all consuming like this. No one can internet diagnose you but a GP could obviously both check your periods out and check your mood.

I don't know how old your youngest is now but my periods and bowel movement were a bit messed up for about 6 months.

I will just add I'm not a HCP just a longtime anxiety patient myself.

Thank you so much for your very helpful replies. I really think you're right that I'll need to see a doctor. I suppose I've been hoping this would all just pass and it hasn't.

I don't know much about post natal depression but I'm not sure if that's what this is. I have bonded so well with DD2, just as I did with DD1. i feel like most of this stems from the fact that I just love them so much and can't imagine that one day, I won't be here for them anymore or far worse thought is that there is always a chance something could happen to them first and I feel like the whole idea of life only being temporary is just something I can't bare the thought of but I can't get the stress of that out of my head. I've never struggled from a mental health point of view before and this has really come at me from nowhere. I am so lucky that I have 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful husband and I wish I could just let myself enjoy what should be the happiest time of my life

This sounds like PND tbh. I had terrible intrusive thoughts and bonded really well with my ds. What you are describing is health anxiety and is ver common and a common part of PND. I think PND is an umbrella term and I actually had PN anxiety. Still do a bit but CBT has helped.

If this is post natal depression, is this something which will result in extra health visitor appointments and so on? Will I be treated differently and is this something that could impact my life in a negative way if I seek help? Will the treatment likely be antidepressants and will that be something I'll need to stay on? Thanks for all your help and advice. It's much appreciated. I suppose I'm just so daunted by everything that I'm going through right now. Sounds ridiculous reading that back as I'm so lucky to have what I have an I know there are many people out there who are really suffering but I just want to feel like me again

Its nothing to worry about or feel bad about - That is how the cycle of depression works, makes you feel like crap for having it. My cycle was - thinking a instructive thought about the baby - feeling like a horrendous person for having the thought - feeling like a bad mum/wife/human and the anxiety getting worse.

I did a course with the HV team, which was awesome. I texted my HV a lot - bless her and had some home visits. You might not need that. I took AD's and am not on a quarter of the dose I was. I realise now that I have always been an anxious person, but my child just made it explode. Did you know that 1 in 3 people in the UK take ADs at some point it their life?

You need to talk to your mates about this as well. Women have huge barriers up about talking about PND and anxiety. You will be surprised how many of your friends have shared your experiences! I also had CBT counselling which was very interesting and made me understand myself a lot more!

Thinking "Oh god wouldn't it be awful if I had a brain tumour" is normal. Lots of people think thoughts like that everyday. What isn't normal is feeding the thought and catastrophising about it. The thought isn't the problem thats normal, its your response. Thats were the drugs and talking help!
Good Luck You sound amazing and you can totally sort this out. You won't always feel like this.

Sunshine I have bipolar and other issues I've been hospitalised over them too. I've never had extra visits or support.

Which is a bit shit of them really

I can't see a GP making any referrals for "standard" MH problems (pnd anxiety etc) you also have a supportive partner at home. There's no stigma with mental health any more thankfully and PND is recognised as being quite common.

Thanks again for your help, support and advice. I spoke to DH again last night and he just gets it, which really makes the world of difference. He said that my worries and anxiety have all developed from the fact that I love my children so much and that it's nothing to feel ashamed of. I'm ready to sort this all and start looking forward to life again. Seeing the lady struggling on the other thread after being abused has been a real wake up call for me. My problems are trivial. I have everything I've ever wanted. I need to appreciate that each day that I have it. So many people are dealing with so many more difficult issues. Thanks again. I'm sure I'll be feeling like me again in no time