Unsure of what to do...!

[TinyHumanJan17]

Hi, i'm currently 36w pregnant with ds1, upon falling pregnant my dosage was lowered from 150mg sertraline to 50mg sert per day, i coped brilliantly for a while. Ive found the last month or so my anxiety has been going up and up and im at a point now where i feel like im back to square one only worse because of being pregnant.

I dont sleep well anyways now because of being uncomfortable all the time but find that after a couple of hours i wake up and then worry so much i barely sleep for the rest of the night. Every twinge and uncomfortable feeling im convinced is something wrong or labour starting; i feel like im on the phone to the mw or at the day unit loads and loads - iv been ending up getting checked over by someone for reassurance every 2-3 weeks since 27 weeks and everytime its been just normal pregnancy pains or an infection so then i feel worse because there are people who are having genuine problems with their babies who need to be seen more than me.

I'm trying to be calm and not worry oh too much as hes already really freaked out by how close it all is and the thought of being a dad but its really not working. I've started having panic attacks; i cry at least once a day.

Im also in the process of changing gp as at my previous surgery i was having to wait up to 5 weeks for an appt; i have an antenatal appt with my new gp on thursday but i dont want my first appt to be about something so horrible; i always feel judged about it all and even though i know thats not happening it makes me really panicky thinking that my first gp appt is that i have this supposedly amazin thing happening that wev been waiting for for so long and that its making me so depressed.

I feel like i must be an awful parent already because we were trying for this baby for over a year and now its happened as much as i am so looking forward to meeting him and i know he will be the centre of my world i havent enjoyed pregnancy at all; i feel fed up that im huge and none of my clothes fit; stressing about maternity pay; feeling like i cant enjoy christmas and am gonna miss nye with all of our friends because im gonna be so close to my due date and cant function for more than a couple of hours now.

Sorry for the really really long post once i started typing i just couldnt stop it would seem...

You are not a bad parent. You are already a fab parent because you are worried about your child and feel like a bit of a failure. That is parenting!!!!

All your feelings and worries are what ALL new parents feel at some point and you have the added stress of having an anxiety disease. You are amazing.

Now the next parenting lesson. You put your needs / feelings aside for the sake of your child. And tell the GP everything you have said here ( you could even take the message). You know intellectually that the GP won't judge you, you just have to Cope with the way the situation makes you feel. My method is to chant - this too shall pass in my head. Until I get into a private space and then I talk to myself, breathe the physical feeling out and sometime swear very loudly!

thankyou ghostly i know i need to tell the gp about it but finding the actual will power to do it is a totally different matter... im hoping by getting it all out now i can convince myself enough by thursday that i dont have a panic attack and can actually get it all out there

tinyhuman your post made me laugh at the last paragraph as that is how so, so many pregnant people think. I don't understand people who 'enjoy' pregnancy. It's a miracle and it's wonderful to be having a baby, but it's uncomfortable, nauseating, you get all sorts of pains, heartburn,varicose veins, hormones ugh. But most people don't admit it until they've finished having kids and have given up pretending that everything is 'wonderful!'. Everyone starts being honest when the youngest gets to around 3 I find…it's quite funny when it starts happening.

I'm sure the MW's etc are used to seeing worried women all the time. I'm sure they'd much rather be seeing you and there be not much wrong rather than something big getting missed. This no doubt will continue when you have the baby- they'd rather see it than miss something. You are a first time mother as well, it's all new to you, go easy on yourself and try not to worry about what others make of your worrying!! You are concerned about your baby- that is not the hallmark of a bad parent at all, and this is not what your GP will be thinking.

It is great that you have recognised that things aren't going well now and that you have made an appointment. Your GP is going to be pleased that you have the self awareness and foresight to mention that you are struggling before things get to a crisis point. You can do it

thankyou for the reply!

Honestly all iv heard all the way through... especially off my mum who has had 5 kids and my sister whos had 3... is i dont know how youre not enjoying it, dont u find it amazing that this little person is growing in you and youre the only one that can have that special bond with him... my answer everytime has been yes its amazing im growing a person but the only thing i feel is sick and uncomfortable and tired from him kicking me all night!

I just hate feeling like a burden and struggle to ask for help and i think during pregnancy is when you lean on others the most so i feel like im fighting 2 battles!